July 15, 2009 by  
Filed under Blog

I live in Silverlake, California.  Near my house in the corner of a yard which faces the street, there are flowers, potted plants, and a picture of a boy, Pablo, taped to a piece of wood.

On May 17th, 2008, Pablo Castelaz, at five years of age was diagnosed with bilateral Wilms’ Tumor. This form of tumor is very rare and usually only affects children.  It also has a 90% recovery rate but Pablo was in the 10%.  He passed away on June 27th, 2009. 

His father Jeff Castelaz, started blogging about his son’s fight almost from the beginning.  You can check out his blog at:

He and his family have also started a children’s cancer research foundation “The Pablove Foundation. Fighting Cancer With Love.” 

Below is an excerpt of Jeff’s blog entry on July 14th 2009.

“We have been mourning and grieving the potential loss of Pablo since May 18 2008. We have swallowed the salty water in this ocean of pre-grief and pre-mourning, and feeling a bit guilty about it the whole way, feeling a bit selfish about it the whole way. Now that we are here and Pablo is everywhere, we realize we had to do this. Like burping or sneezing, it was an involuntary bodily function. The pressure cooker had to release some of its steam, a bit every day. Or the top would have popped.

We do not feel anything but love for and about Pablo. The feelings I’m describing are our feelings about ourselves, internally, now that the physical being of our son is gone.”

I decided to start The Love Project Inc. in June of 2008, a couple of months before my husband passed away of cancer.  On September 2008, exactly six weeks after his passing, I started to write a book: “A Widow’s Diary: A Love Story.”

I see in this grieving family recognition and similarities of my own story.  I don’t think that one needs to go through a tragic loss to understand love and its power but it is often the case.  It’s remarkable the need to turn the pain into something positive.

I don’t know this family at all but at least in my case losing someone over a long period of time in a very tragic way, made me appreciate life in a different way.  My anxieties, depression and sense of what’s important have really shifted. And as the Castelaz family I want to participate in spreading love and humanity.

If you look at medical/science photos of a fetus inside a mother’s womb you’ll be overtaken by the realization of the incredible peace this forming new being experiences inside his mother.  A sense of protection, and a sense of just being.

We are now living in a world that favors money and success – both good things – but not at the expense of relationship and well being.  So we have to concentrate and put time aside to learn again to relate and to give and receive love. 

When I started The Love Project Inc. for a moment I thought my friends would think I had gone over the deep end.  After all I had always been the artistic, edgy chick.  But it doesn’t matter, talking about love is for sure a very worthy way to spend my life.

  • Winsor Pilates

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