The Problem Of Falling In Love With My Son

August 18, 2009 by  
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The Problem of Falling In Love With My Son

(Or “How I Fell In Love With my Son”)

By Jorge Aguirre

Don’t take this the wrong way, hijito, but when I first met you — freshly thrust upon this world with your frightening cone-shaped head and wrinkly little body — I didn’t love you.

I suspected I’d eventually fall for you, but at that moment in the delivery room, looking down at the exhausted mess of your mother, the pain and drama you had just wrought upon us (mostly her), frankly I wasn’t sure what to think.

It’s a human compulsion to want to fix that which is broken.  Babies are broken.  You nap them, feed them, clothe them, bath them, and the problems go away.  For five minutes, tops.  Then the cycle of problems begins again.  It’s ruthless. 

And that’s a problem. 

Yet, there’s nothing one can do to fix the misery of those first few weeks of parenthood.  It’s a revelation when one realizes the capacity of the human condition to endure misery.  You don’t adapt.  You endure.

Once I accepted that I could not completely solve you.  Once I learned that my imperfect world would be even more imperfect after your arrival, I began to fall for you.  It helped that I figured out how to make you nap — it was a brief, but lovely, reprieve from your excruciating cries.

In those first few days after I met you, once I learned to give in to the unsolvable, that’s when I found myself looking down at your sleeping self and saying, “Yo soy tu papa.”  And boy did I fall hard for you.  Boy, did I ever.  

 Jorge Aguirre is a writer, producer and director.  Among his writting credits is the Nickelodeon series “Go, Diego! Go!

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