Robin Hood And Me

May 15, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I went to see Robin Hood last night.  I’m not a film critic so I won’t be reviewing the film here but want I want to talk about, is how it tugged at my romantic strings.  Now I am by all accounts an independent and strong woman but I wanted to be Lady Marian so Robin Hood could come and rescue me.  I left the screening with a want in my heart for my courageous, strong and sexy man to kick my door down so we could get going in living happily ever after.

It’s really interesting how these hero stories, built on archetypal characters, still have such emotional impact even after we have lived life and learned differently because the truth is while Robin is courageous, strong and perfect in reality he would also have many other traits that are not so attractive.  Also, in reality, once the excitement of hugging, kissing and making love to a person wears out, if the relationship is to survive, it has to become about love, trust and commitment.  It almost sounds like a let down but it really isn’t.  When I talk about commitment, I’m referring to committing to see the other person, to give them our time, attention and in return get the same.  I’m talking about caring for the well being and happiness of the other and in return getting the same.  And I’m talking about having compassion for the other and in return getting the same. Nothing boring about that, because a “good” relationship produces a sense of emotional safety based on the time, caring and compassion given to each other.

When my husband, dying of cancer with 70 lbs less to his 5’11” frame didn’t have enough strength to put his own socks on, I still felt safe lying next to him in bed.  The safety didn’t come from his ability to physically defend me, but it came from the emotional safety we had created between us.  I’m there for you and you are there for me.

Why am I talking about all of this?  I think we often suffer and lose opportunities to have real experiences because we are looking for these “black and white” characters for partners and when they show us all the rainbow colors we feel we must move on.  People are complex.  In real life Robin might be loving and kind but lack determination or strength to make decisions.  And Marian can be beautiful and courageous but have a fear of intimacy.  So we accept and work with all parts of a person without expecting them to be always beautiful, strong and perfect.

So when I got home, still thinking about Robin Hood – maybe the fact it was played by Russell Crowe also had something to do with it – I enjoyed the feeling that had been created within me but I didn’t suffer for not having Robin Hood in my life but I did miss the joy and intimacy that comes from discovering a real human being, with all his difficulties, wants and desires.

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