Being In A Funk, But Being Okay

May 30, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I have been in a funk these last few days.  I have this deep feeling that the best time of my life is behind me.

I know it may surprise some of you to read that because I’m often so strong and positive.  But that’s how we humans are; complex.  We can have many different thoughts and feelings, sometimes even contradictory happening at the same time.  So the key is to know ourselves well enough to navigate the ups and downs.

Now back to my initial thought. Why do I have the feeling that the best time of my life is behind me?

US Grant 001Before my husband got sick, the two and a half years we had together, were perfect.  I mean they were perfect for me and him.  I was married to my best friend who cared about my well being and I for his.  My husband was also loving, smart and kind and we had a blast with each other.  We travelled, had amazing meals and wines and laughed every day.  And in bed, my husband was always caring and giving.

I miss my husband and emotionally I can’t imagine ever having the same experience again, where everything clicked.  I think that, because it is so hard for people to make real connections.  It seems that we are always running around either trying to resolve, hide or bury our stuff.

But here is the difference, in the past I would be completely buried under the weight of not having much hope for magic in my future.  Today I am able to embrace this feeling while reminding myself that I just don’t know.  That’s the point.  We don’t know what encounters and experiences lay ahead of us and because we feel one way today does not mean we will feel the same way forever.

I also let myself enjoy my present without trying to qualify it as good, better, or worse.  I simply draw energy and contentment from friends and things.  And I don’t sit around thinking the past is gone.

Befriending ourselves and being open to life will keep us experiencing many different situations and feelings that make up our lives.  Stopping life and labeling relationships and experiences only creates a heavy feeling within us.

So yes, I can write and talk about many different empowering topics and be in a funk sometimes.  The difference today is that I don’t drown in the sadness. I give it my hand but I don’t stand still.  I walk forward.

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