Are You Addicted To Drama?

June 24, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I usually check out the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com) in the morning.  I like some of their political posts as well as their living posts.  I’m also loyal to the Huffington Post because I am one of their regular bloggers.

In today’s Living section I saw a headline that caught my attention; “Are You Addicted To Drama? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tom-ferry/self-help-are-you-addicte_b_623182.html ” posted by Tom Ferry.  I started reading it right away because I have not only been addicted to drama in the past but I have also had many people in my life suffering from the same condition.

While I agree with some of Tom’s statements such as: “how you feel determines your attitude. Your attitude then determines your actions, which ultimately determines the outcome”, and “Why are most people comfortable in this place of conflict? There’s a perceived benefit to being dramatic. We get attention. Our needs are being met because we are connecting with others” the accusatory and blaze tone he chose to use is in my opinion a reflection of his lack of understanding of why people create drama in their lives.

People create drama in their lives because:

1                    -  It’s a way not to really look at and live their own lives

2                    -  Call and get attention

3                    -  Low self-esteem which results in self-destruction

4                    –  They become victims of a system they have set in place years before which is now is their only response.

5                    – The body’s biology is now accustomed to respond with excess adrenaline and other hormones which create anxiety and depression.

Why the drama system gets set in place varies from person to person.  In my case it was low self-esteem combined with a need to create chaos because in the confusion I felt needed and had a sense of exhilaration.  That type of behavior feeds into itself because we are always, even if unconsciously, looking to put ourselves in situations where we will eventually feel sorry for ourselves.  Also drama is time consuming.  There needs to be so much energy and attention paid to drama that there isn’t any time left for healthy living.

I was never a drama-queen, as described by Tom in his post, meaning I didn’t demand other people’s constant attention.  My drama was self-destructive and became the only way I knew how to live.  In that phase of my life, I got myself into a relationship at the age of twenty that was emotionally and physically abusive.  I got sexually assaulted, had to file for bankruptcy, and exposed myself to all kinds of people. I was not happy. Somehow some part of me didn’t believe I deserved to be treated well and so I went on punishing myself.

What happened to me was that one day I said to myself: “enough, no more drama, I can’t keep living like this anymore.”  Just like a drug addict, I realized that the highs I was feeling in my mostly self created dramas were not good for me and I needed to quit.  With that resolution in mind, I changed what I would do, think and accept done to me.  Life felt a little boring for a minute or two but soon I realized there were many other feelings and experiences I could now have in my life since all my time was no longer dominated by drama.

Today I am a recovered drama addict and when I had to fight for my husband’s life, I did it with strength and love with no added drama.

If you are addicted to drama you can quit.  Life without drama is much more fun.  Take it from me.

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