Dealing With Changes and The Past

July 3, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I have always been a person who has had a talent for adapting to new circumstances.   I was born and raised in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, lived in NYC and now live in Los Angeles.

I have left my family behind (when I moved to NYC), a bad relationship (when I left NY) and now in Los Angeles I live as a widow.

When I was growing up, I was an outstanding student and everyone thought I would get to do something that involved mathematics and physics but I ended up getting involved with the arts.

As I struggled through the years to make a living, I often heard how I had wasted my talents in a life that to outsiders seemed to be very hard and without the chances of bringing the success they were sure I would have had if I had followed the scientific path.

I must confess, I too, when life got really hard, thought I had made a mistake and wished I could have gone back in time and done things differently.

As I get more experiences in life, I realize it is a waste to look back into the past and wish we had done things differently, because not only the past is unchangeable but looking back keeps us from moving forward.   I also remember a friend of mine who years ago when I was talking about the past he interrupted me and asked:  “Do you like yourself today?”   It was a powerful and direct question.  I thought for a few moments and then said “yes”.   “Then your past was perfect, because it brought you here.”   I then started to think about my history in a completely different way.  I embraced every different stage of my life as a trajectory to my present and then I left it all in my past.

I know making the choices I made including a long loveless relationship in NY, was what allowed me to be open to Chris in the way I was when I met him.  And I know if I spend the rest of life re-living the life we had together I will never have the possibility of gaining more experiences and wisdom.

I know, to some of us, it’s hard to continue to embrace life with gusto when we have great losses.   Not only we are afraid of the unknown but we also feel a sense of loyalty.   We struggle with thoughts of “what happens to their memory and everything we had together?”   I promise you that our hearts have a great capacity for love and wisdom.   We don’t have to empty them out to be able to add new emotions and experiences.

Every step we have taken has brought us here and every step we take now will determine the life we will have in the near future.  That’s how important it is to live in the present, with the past as our history but always open to what is to come.

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