Breaking The Strong Grip Of Loss And Fear In Love

August 3, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

At some point in our lives we become aware of some inevitable big themes; loss and death.  Even the lucky ones, who will only experience the loss of others from old age, will have to come face to face with grief.

I don’t want to talk about the pain loss causes but do want to talk about fear.

Once we have experienced our first life changing loss, how do we continue to live life with courage and commitment, fully knowing that more loss will take place including that of our own selves?

I have lived through the passing of my husband and I have lived on. Living as much as I can in the moment, slowing down enough to have the luxury of personal reflection and investing in what is meaningful, has landed me on both feet.  But from time to time I think about my elder parents and my own aging process.  I must confess at those times I feel sadness and fear.  What will my life look like without a partner (at least for now), parents and my youth?

I sat yesterday with someone who is in crisis. He is afraid he has made a wrong life decision and because of that he thinks from here on he is going to live a second rate life.  My discussion with this person was about how he was responding from fear.  No life becomes second rate based on one decision and the only way to live such a life is by giving up on ourselves.  I pointed out he was abandoning his own self and I reminded him how well he had taken care of himself up to this point.

In our journeys there is no one decision that makes us either happy or miserable.  Every decision takes us to a different door and then other decisions will take us to other doors. As I spoke to this person, I felt my own clarity and strength infusing my words.

I spent the rest of the day with my sister and nieces who are here visiting from Italy.  I love them very much and with them I experience family.  When I got home I played with my two dogs and the thought of finite came again to mind; love, loss and fear prisoners of each other.

We spend so much of our lives trying to protect and hide our hearts and then one day we realize we will never be successful and then we spend the rest of our lives putting down the walls we built.

I wrote in a previous post about when my late husband was at a hospital and asked everyone who came to see him for a hug. He had not touched anyone else but me for almost two years because he was taking immunosuppressants.  He didn’t know then he was dying but he did know he was starved for human touch.

I know the path out of fear lies on embracing every moment of life with curiosity and enthusiasm without thoughts of the past.

I know in each experience lies the seed of new.

I know in embracing the present we liberate ourselves from fear.

None of this is easy but all of it is worth our time.

When I now experience fear, I take a deep breath and put down another wall and I let go of what it was.  That’s how I keep going and that’s how I find reason for being.

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