How To Be A True Friend

August 6, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

A friend called yesterday to tell me about Tony Robbins’s show “Breakthrough” being cancelled.  I thanked him for the call but told him I already knew.  The reason my friend wanted me to know about the show going off the air was because we had discussed an idea I had for an inspirational show that he thought people would not be interested.  My friend had argued that in tough times audiences are looking for fun and escapism.  I argued back that seeing others go through difficulties and managing to grow and come out on the other side, made us feel less alone and with more courage to do battle.

Anyway, after I hung up the phone I wondered why the show had failed.  After all Tony Robbins is an amazing successful speaker.  So what happened?

It was then that I realized the show was about Tony Robins doing this and Tony Robbins doing that and not really about the people they were doing the stories on.  Tony Robbins has had a charmed life for a very long time and it shows in his attitude.  Also some of the locations used on both aired shows were Tony Robbins’s mansions; one in Fiji the other a winery in Malibu.  There was also the thought of how in real life would we get through these problems without Tony Robbins? It became clear to me the reasons why the show had failed; we just couldn’t relate.

I’m going on about Tony Robbins because thinking about it reminded me that when we truly want to help someone we must be able to leave aside many interpretations and tools we use for our own lives.

A friend of mine is going through a tough time now and if I want to help him, I have to be able to hear his logic and pain without judgment.  What doesn’t make sense to me it makes sense to him and his distress is real.

That is not saying that my presence should be confined to being just a shoulder.  Lovingly trying to imbue thinking in the process of their distress is also important.  But I again have to be careful to encourage their thinking not mine.

Truly helping someone means to leave our ego aside. Tough request, but remembering if we really want to help it is never about us but always about others.  It is humbling, full of love and sincerity.

  • Winsor Pilates


2 Responses to “How To Be A True Friend”
  1. Sometimes we have to let people follow the path they have chosen. It hurts, but there is nothing we can do except be available in love for when they come back.

    All my best,


  2. K Stephen Daniel says:

    Hi Deborah

    What u say is very true. I just experienced this with a friend of mine. My friend was filled with ego that her frequency just could not come to the same level as mine even though i kept forgiving her and would get back to her even after she hurt me very badly with her behaviour. Recently, she breaked all sensible behaviors and just blocked my email id!

    Still i love her! Only thing is now my only medium of contact is prayer!