Surviving Life’s Low Points

August 26, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Today is my fourth wedding anniversary.   I am here but my husband isn’t.  We actually only got to commemorate our first wedding anniversary.  Chris passed away nine days before our second.

At the time, Chris’ sister had given us as a gift of two nights at a beautiful hotel and rather than cancelling we decided to invite all of our girlfriends to come and spend the night together.  It was sort of a pajama party for the bereaved.  We talked, laughed, cried, drank and ate.  It was loving and painful and it was my second wedding anniversary.

On my third I didn’t do anything.  I was fully aware of the day but didn’t do anything special.  Today, on my forth, I’m writing which has become something really special to me.

I recently spoke to a woman who had also gone through a great loss.  She mentioned she had trouble dealing with her pain and without realizing she had pushed it away.  It took almost two years before her grief was able to break through and make her see and feel it.  She felt disoriented and confused.  How could she be feeling the blunt of the hurt after so long?

We don’t know the reasons why some events happen in our lives – the loss of a job or a person – but we do need to find ways to embrace and accept that which we cannot change.  Kicking, screaming and denial work only as heavy doses of vitamin to pain.  It makes it stronger and unruly.

In a way I guess I was lucky that a few months before Chris passed, I knew we were reaching the end.  I was able to consider life on my own while he was still with me.  When the day finally arrived I had cried and hurt more than I ever thought possible and still survive but I had also gathered the possibility of acceptance.  Unlike the woman I spoke to, I have lived my pain fully and so today there is no conflict in my heart only sadness for the loss.  For two and a half years of struggling to keep Chris alive, I put my arms around my pain and gave it license to exist.  And so I have learned a great lesson; that of courage to see and feel life as is without assigning blame or guilt.

What I wanted to share today is, when you find yourself in a difficult situation gather up your strength and wisdom to embrace the difficulty and to know when to fight and when to let go.  And when you know there is nothing to be done, do nothing just be.  Feel all the feelings that come up and rest.  I promise you, that at some point you will remember that life is in constant movement and a day will come that you will be laughing with all the passion of a heart that knows the ups and downs and holds nothing back.

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