The Way We Grieve

September 15, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Yesterday, a friend sent a post, The Way We Grieve Now, she had read on www.shine.yahoo.com . She thought I would “enjoy” reading it.  I did.

In the post the writer, Piper Weiss, describes the different ways people have coped with loss. Michelle Williams (who lost Heath Ledger) found solace in gardening.  Gwyneth Paltrow who couldn’t cut her hair when her father died because that was the hair he knew, then one day she had to get it cut right then and there because her moment of letting go had arrived.

I remember reading about a woman who had been arrested for murder because her Iraqi veteran husband was found dead.  The woman had used insurance money to pay for her breast implants.  Eventually she was found to be innocent but what it caught my attention was that the prosecution tried to make their case based on the woman going out to bars and getting breast implants instead of being home mourning.

I remember a couple of months after Chris passed, having dinner with a friend of his who couldn’t get over how well she thought I looked.  Later when I went home, I felt guilt.  Not only I had lost my husband but I was now being judged because I didn’t look as ragged as others thought I should.  What this person didn’t know was that I had to hang on to existing, to believing there was some life after my loss.

A couple of months ago I met a woman who right after losing her husband got into a relationship.  Three years passed, the relationship fell apart, and then the reality of having lost her husband hit her.  It was devastating. Not only had she had to deal with her loss but also with three years of burying her feelings inside.

There is no right or wrong way or grieving.  We all do it in our own way and our own time.  Unfortunately, when we most need support, society judges us if our behavior doesn’t match the one which is considered proper.  Talking to others sharing our thoughts, lets us realize we are not alone in having our own way of grieving, and in doing that we find support and kinship.

Sorrow makes us all children again – destroys all differences of intellect.  The wisest know nothing.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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