Achieving A Sense Of Balance

September 16, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I have just read a post on the Huffington Post about creating boundaries.  The article, The Importance Of Boundaries, discusses the setting of limits for the success of relationships.

I have to confess that while, setting boundaries, is not a new concept to me, it is a new achievement.

Setting boundaries means knowing how far we can stretch before no matter what happens – good or bad – we are going to feel uncomfortable.  It also means knowing ourselves and honoring the way we function; the ultimate sign of self-love and maturity.

When we are young we often say “yes” to situations because others want us to and we don’t know how it is okay to feel differently.  As we start to gain life experience we understand there should be a way to set limits but we are still too insecure to do so.  As we gain life experience we also learn protecting our thoughts and feelings by setting boundaries is an important expression of a healthy relationship with our own selves.

The other side of the self-sacrificing pendulum is of being completely self-involved, meaning never considering the boundaries of others.  I have a feeling when we find ourselves behaving in that manner it is as a result of not knowing how to negotiate with others and feeling it is easier not to consider them all together.

As we start to make the shift from always saying “yes” to sometimes saying “no”, we may feel selfish, rude or uncaring.  But by being clear that our limits are not about loving others less but about loving ourselves more, should help with the strain.  In the end respecting our boundaries improves our relationship with ourselves and others.

My journey of setting my boundaries started with finding my self-respect and arriving to a point where how I felt was as important as how everyone else did.  It was not easy to change my behavior but the alternative – deaf to myself – became harder.

I continue to be as respectful and loving of others as I have always been. The only difference is that I now include myself in the love and respect.  Also by setting boundaries I no longer feel I’m solely responsible for every outcome.  Relationships and life is never a solo act.

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