How To Feel Loved

September 21, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

We often cheat ourselves of what life is really about; love.  All the time, I hear from others how lucky I am to have experienced love in the way I did with my late husband.  I’m told many go through life without ever having experienced such love.

Am I special? Was Chris special? Do I have super-powers? The answer is no to all. But why do I hear time and again that the relationship I had was unique?

I think the answer lies on the fact that Chris – my late husband – and I were not distracted by our own frustration, ambition, and desires.

Chris and I had been married before; him to a very controlling woman and I to a very abusive man. When we got together we had already done a lot of self-reflection.  We knew why we had been attracted to our ex-partners and we knew why we were attracted to each other.

Life is complicated.  It moves fast and we are bombarded with too much information to process. But Chris and I stopped often to look and to love each other.

When Chris got sick it was in one another that we found solace.   It was our love that kept us going.

The two and a half years we fought for his life were very difficult.  We ran to emergency rooms so often that I came to know every person working at every shift.  But instead of being filled with anger, turning on each other, we went back to the love that had always sustained us.

As Chris got sicker and his body deteriorated, I didn’t love him less and I didn’t run away. And when I was exhausted, he didn’t love me less.  We used to tell each other every day: I love you more today than yesterday but less than tomorrow.  It was our silly and simple way of saying: I’m still here.

Two days before Chris passed away, as we took a shower together, he kissed me with such tenderness and love that I knew his time had come and he was leaving me with the greatest gift he could; his love.

It’s sad how we spend our lives looking for love and acceptance without realizing that if we are not willing to commit to open our hearts, we will never find that which we seek.

Without wanting to be cliché, love is all around us.  But to experience it we need to be present and not afraid to give and to receive.

So I don’t think Chris and I were, are special.  But I do think we knew the only way to experience love is to love.

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