How To Have Successful Relationships

October 26, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Angie Rubin

It’s hard to learn to accept others exactly as they are.   If it is a romantic relationship, we see the potential and we want to help our partner get there.  If it is a friend or a family member we want them to have the behavior we would have if faced with the same situation. In both cases, if we don’t realize people are different we are destined to have many disagreements and disappointments.

We see and judge the world in a very personal way and we often forget that others see things in different ways.  Of course I’m not talking about a group of people thinking it is wrong to rob a bank and another group thinking it is okay.  Robbing a bank it’s wrong, period.  But how we react to pain, challenge, and accomplishments is personal.  In the case of pain some of us might get reckless, or depressed, or go into complete denial.  Some of us like to be surrounded by others while others like to be left alone.  There is no right or wrong.  It is always how we see and process things.

There is also the issue of our own ego.  We become peeved when what we are saying is not taken to heart.  How many times have we said or listened to someone else say:  This is what’s going on and this is how you fix it” only to get upset and frustrated when the advice is not taken to heart?

When it comes to romantic relationships, the lack of acceptance becomes even more of an issue because what happens to one person affects the other.  Becoming interested in someone because we think XYZ about them – which bother us – will change once we have the opportunity to work on them, it’s a big mistake.  People are the way they are.  Either you love them as they are or not.

If your partner is moody, selfish, lazy, or doesn’t like green, that’s who they are.  If they ever change is because they made a decision to change something about their personality and behavior as part of their life process.  It will never be because you or I have been bothering them to be or do things differently.

My late husband loved shirts with very busy patterns.  I hated them but never said anything.  I thought why is my taste more important than his?  One day he asked me if I liked one of these shirts and I said no.  I didn’t want to lie to him.  But, I added that if he liked them, that was all that mattered.  I know this is a simple example but it shows acceptance in dealing with differences.   He continued wearing the same shirts and we never talked about it again.

When dealing with important issues that need to be addressed, always keep in mind what the final objective is; to have a behavior changed.  If you keep that in mind, your ego will stay in check and you’ll chose the words you want to communicate your thoughts and desire with love and respect.  Wanting to prove how right or how smart you are will never be part of the equation.

Accept others as they are and if you really want a different result approach it with love and care.

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