Always Saying Everything Is Fine, Actually Hurts Us

December 12, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

boy and the sky

There are two very strong reasons why people try to keep the appearance that everything is fine.  1 – Because we feel we are judged by how close or far we are to being perfect and having the perfect life.  2 – Because we feel if people knew certain things about us they would judge us poorly simply because “things” are taken at face value.

The problem with having always to put up a façade is that it makes us feel like we are hiding something.  It also gives us a distorted perception of life.  If everyone is doing fine or great than what’s wrong with me?  Why am I the only one feeling blue?  Or why am I the only one that is having difficulties.

Aaron Sorkin, the great playwright TV and feature writer (Social Network), in a Huffington Post blog wrote the following when addressing Sarah Palin’s joy in killing a Caribou: “Let me be the first to say that I abused cocaine and was arrested for it in April 2001. I want to be the first to say it so that when Palin’s Army of Arrogant Assholes, bereft of any reasonable rebuttal, write it all over the internet tomorrow they will at best be the second.”

In his statement Aaron recognizes that his issue – drug abuse – can be used against him to make him seem evil and untrustworthy.   Of course drug abuse is a problem does not categorize a man as anything but someone who has a problem.

Because we like to judge and then label, many of us keep to ourselves when we are having trouble.  We may think,” I’m not going to tell anybody I’m having financial difficulties because I don’t want others to think of me as a loser.”  Or we may think “I’m not going to tell others I don’t understand this issue because they are going to think I’m stupid.”

Attaining personal freedom, involves a certain amount of courage not to care about other people’s judgment of us.  It also means not judging others.  Living life honestly means sharing our lives in truth.

Can you imagine if we could all just be and not have to make stuff up in order to feel we are in par with our friends and neighbors?  Can you imagine being able to truly see and feel that each one of us has an unique life and that we have the power to support each other?

We can’t make anyone do anything, but we can certainly start a change by acting differently.  Think about it.

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