Self Destructive Behavior, How To Stop It

January 30, 2011 by  
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Angie Rubin Photo

I know a thing or two about self-destructive behavior.  In my life I had two distinct cycles; first when I left my family in Brazil and moved to NYC.  Second, when I left my first husband in NYC and moved to Los Angeles.

Now even prior to my move to NYC, I find a girl who always had trouble understanding why people would love me.  Even a friend.  So I would look at every relationship I had and ask myself what was I providing that person with to justify them being my friend. One can say I had a serious case of low self-esteem. And of course it wasn’t justified. I’ve always had many qualities that make me a person worth being with and loving.

My first cycle ran for about ten years.  I married a man who was controlling and abusive and little by little lost myself to depression.

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20 Questions That Could Change Your Life

January 28, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

Navigating through all my favorite sites I found this fun and potentially important post by Martha Beck in which she lists the 20 most important questions – voted by O Magazine readers – one should ask themselves.

What I find fun and potentially important is that making up lists demands that we stop and think what really is essential to our own lives.  And what changes could really bring more fulfillments into our lives. So before you jump into reading Martha’s post here are a few suggestions for lists.

1                     – 10 things I want to do this year

2                     – 10 things I want to change about me

3                     – 10 fun things I should be doing on a weekly basis

4                     – 1 fun thing I should be doing on a daily basis

5                     – 10 things I can do that would change my life

There are no right or wrong answers.  There is only what is true to each one of us.  So take out or pencil and paper or turn on your computer and pick a list from the above suggestions that you would like to spend some time thinking about.

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by Martha Beck, O Magazine

Finding the answers starts with posing the right questions—and Martha Beck has 20 to get you started.
1. What questions should I be asking myself?
At first I thought asking yourself what you should be asking yourself was redundant. It isn’t. Without this question, you wouldn’t ask any others, so it gets top billing. It creates an alert, thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out the information you most need in every situation. Ask it frequently.

2. Is this what I want to be doing?
This very moment is, always, the only moment in which you can make changes. Knowing which changes are best for you comes, always, from assessing what you feel. Ask yourself many times every day if you like what you’re doing. If the answer is no, start noticing what you’d prefer. Thus begins the revolution…Continued

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Can’t Find Love? Here’s Why

January 26, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

Just found the below post on Huffington Post.  I like its direct approach as to why most of us don’t seem to be lucky in love. Marnie, the writer, points the finger back at us.  She poses the question; how can we find fulfilling love if we start of from a place of fantasy and personal confusion?  And I couldn’t agree more.

How can we have a satisfying relationship if we pick partners that will only reenact time and again our own neurosis?  That is not to say that we have to be “perfect” to find a partner and share a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  But there are a few musts:

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The Human Essence

January 24, 2011 by  
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The Diving Bell And The Butterfly is the memoir of Jean-Dominique Bauby a well-known French journalist, author and editor of the French fashion magazine Elle.  A film, by the same title, and based on the book, was nominated for four Oscars in 2008.

On 8 December 1995 at the age of 43, Bauby suffered a massive stroke. When he woke up twenty days later, he found only his left eye had movement. The stroke had resulted in locked-in syndrome, a condition where mental faculties remain intact but most if not all of the body is paralyzed.

The Diving Bell And The Butterfly is Bauby’s memoir. He learned to communicate by blinking his left eye whenever his speech therapist would get to the letter he wanted and thus forming words and phrases.

The title of the book comes from Bauby’s notion that while his body was submerged and weighted down — impossible to move — his imagination and memory were still free and as light as a butterfly’s wings: “My cocoon becomes less oppressive, and my mind takes flight like a butterfly. There is so much to do. You can wander off in space or in time, set out for Tierra del Fuego or for King Midas’s court.” A few days after the book was published to rave reviews in March 1997, Bauby died of an infection.

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Changing The World, A Tissue At A Time

January 20, 2011 by  
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Compassion doesn’t only mean stopping wars, feeding the hungry or ending the AIDS crisis.  Compassion in its most simple form is our human ability of for a moment being able to step into someone else’s shoes and understand their dilemma.

In 2007, when I first walked into the infusion center at Cedars Sinai Medical Center with my late husband,  I was taken by fear.  I looked around to the 30 – 40 people there all hooked up to a bag containing chemicals strong enough that signs were posted in the bathrooms asking patients to flush twice.  Chris and I looked for two seats together and waited for a nurse to come and hook him up as well.

Immersed in my pain, I turned my face away from Chris because of the tears running down my face. I didn’t want him to see them.  A woman sitting next to a man getting his infusion got up, picked up a tissue and without saying a word handed it to me.

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The Truest Love Of All

January 19, 2011 by  
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heart on the beach

Huffington Post

by Deborah Calla
I was married at age 20 to a man who was 11 years my senior. When I married the man, I was a recent Brazilian arrival doing a lot of drugs and hanging out with all the wrong people. I thought getting married would settle me down and straighten me out, but instead it marked the beginning of the worst period of my life. The man was intelligent and creative, but he was also possessive, manipulative and had an ego that didn’t allow any other human to occupy the same space as his. Within the first year the intelligent man showed himself as delusional and abusive…Continued

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Transcending Pain For A Passion

January 18, 2011 by  
Filed under Inspiring People

We can always find a way when we have passion. Allowing ourselves to dream and to embrace the things that truly matters to us without fear.

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Connecting To Love On Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday

January 17, 2011 by  
Filed under Uncategorized

Angie Rubin

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it – Martin Luther King Jr.

Today marks the birth of Martin Luther King, Jr., an exceptional man who understood violence begets violence.  No one will disagree that MLK had every right to be hateful.  But the pastor knew in hate he would destroy himself and what he was trying to accomplish.  And even though he was murdered what he had set as his life’s goal and mission did come to fruition.   No, we don’t have racial equality today, but we do have laws that protect our ongoing serious discourse. Much has been accomplished and much more needs to happen.

If you think about it, in its essence hate is an emotion of the ego.

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Turning Loss Into Depth And Wisdom

January 15, 2011 by  
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By Angie Rubin

A couple of days ago, I had lunch with a woman who had been my late husband’s friend.  I had seen her once before since his passing two and a half years ago.

The friend wanted to check in with me and again offer her support.  We talked for a while and then the conversation shifted to her brother.  She said we both had a lot in common; he’s a Buddhist – she said. Even though I don’t know her brother, I intuitively knew what she was trying to say.  She was referring to the quality of acceptance.

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Pro Kiteboarder; Taking Life As It Comes

January 15, 2011 by  
Filed under Inspiring People

Professional kiteboarder Sean Reyngoudt is unique — and it is not just the dangerous stunts he performs that set him apart.

“I’ll be out there doing all my tricks and everything — having a good time and then I come in to the beach and people realize that I’m missing my leg and they are totally shocked by it,” says Reyngoudt.  Sean lost his leg in a forklift accident in 2003 but he didn’t allow the loss to end his life.

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