Can’t Find Love? Here’s Why

January 26, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

Just found the below post on Huffington Post.  I like its direct approach as to why most of us don’t seem to be lucky in love. Marnie, the writer, points the finger back at us.  She poses the question; how can we find fulfilling love if we start of from a place of fantasy and personal confusion?  And I couldn’t agree more.

How can we have a satisfying relationship if we pick partners that will only reenact time and again our own neurosis?  That is not to say that we have to be “perfect” to find a partner and share a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  But there are a few musts:

– We must know enough about ourselves so that we don’t go out casting men or women to play parts in plays we have written for ourselves. For example: If we think we are not lovable we cast men and women as partners that are not capable of loving and committing so that we can prove our point.  When we decide we are worthy of love as much as anybody else, we will no longer be interested in others that don’t have the capacity to love.

–  We must feel whole to build a healthy relationship.  If we believe we need to be with a man or a woman to have a fulfilling life, we will most often be attracted to people that are authoritarian, and controlling.  Those are the types of people that cast themselves in the role of savior.  The bottom line is: nobody saves anybody. We only come together to add to each other’s lives.

–  We must concentrate in the present.  Where a relationship will go in the future, is where it will go.  Wondering and worrying about it won’t change anything.  All it will do is add unnecessary stress.

–  We must be open to give and receive love.

The must list is something we can work on ourselves on a daily basis and when time is right, and we meet a possible good partner we will be ready to love and built something worth experiencing.

Please read on…

By Marnie Nir

Coach, The Handel Group

Are you one of the millions of Americans out there searching for love but can’t find it? Are you frustrated and annoyed with the dating scene? Is your favorite line, “All the good ones are taken”? Most single people are unaware that their inability to find love has nothing to do with a dearth of potential partners, but with their inability to look at themselves.

You are the problem. Yes, you…Continued

  • Winsor Pilates


2 Responses to “Can’t Find Love? Here’s Why”
  1. Ana says:

    Hello, I live in Portugal, I am a woman, I am 39 years old and can´t find love. It´s true that I have had some altering changes in my life, like switching the city, a small one were I lived to the capital of the country, a big one, switched to a job completely different, and presently solving a financial mess in which my father, inadvertedly, put me, himself and my mother.

    I know that I have not been available to love until now, and now that I feel I am my world seems filled with happy couples, I seem to arrive always late in an interesting person´s life, and there seems to be no opportunities left.

    The tough reality seems to have dwan upon me, me that deeply always wanted a husband and children, it seems that God is telling me no, no, no, every body is taken, I am meant to be alone, I am meant to not having children.

    How can I face a life like that? Do I beg for love? How did I ended up here?

    p.s. your article is very true it all starts with us and the way we see ourselves

    Many thanks,


    • Dear Ana,

      What your life is today is not what it will be tomorrow. Contentment and happiness comes in many shapes and forms. Don’t wait to embrace life until you find a husband. Live your life as fully as you can today. I promise you there will be many wonderful surprised coming your way. Keep moving! Um abraco,