Thoughts On Self-Forgiveness
Self-forgiveness. Now that’s a tough subject for me; the acceptance of being human which translates into the acceptance of not being perfect.
I’m not quite sure where it all started up for me but I have always hurt when I have fallen short of being perfect. Of course in black in white even I can see the impossibility of success. But we are not talking black and white. We are talking psyche.
Maybe the need to be perfect comes from a compulsive sense of responsibility; if I don’t say or do the right thing then all things can fall apart and I don’t want that. And if that happens, it will all be my fault.
It’s interesting to try to figure out the source of such feelings but it isn’t mandatory in order to change the way we feel and behave.
In my case it started with a continuous dialogue with my own self. “I am not responsible for everything that happens.” “In any situation or relationship, the outcome is the result of the inter-action of all involved.” “There are things that even though I wish them to be different, I am powerless to do so.”
This dialogue takes place every time I feel compelled to fix something and come short. It takes place every time I hurt. Being able to let go of the control puts me on the path of self-forgiveness.
The next step is recognizing my own humanity. In other words: I’m not perfect. This realization might seem obvious to many but to people like me that are compulsive about being always what is needed; it’s a huge realization. Being human means I am sometimes wrong and that is okay.
The final step is self-forgiveness itself. Once embracing that I do not control everything and that I am human, I can only forgive myself as I would anybody else.
I can’t tell you I have mastered the process. But I can tell you it has gotten better. I no longer punish myself as I used to when things didn’t quite turn out the way I hoped they would.
Finally I also realize life is always in motion. What it is today will also change and thus I can place hope in life’s second chances.