Guilt And Its Consequences

January 30, 2012 by  
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What is guilt?

Webster defines it as “the fact or state of having committed an offense, or wrong against moral or penal law.”

Guilt is a consequence of us sometimes having done something that on the surface seems wrong.  It is also a consequence of others wanting us to feel responsible for a situation – rightfully or not.

Let’s think about the first type of guilt; the one which comes as a consequence of us actually having not acted properly.

Here’s an example: a friend of mine got a visit from an out of state and close friend of hers.

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Filling The Emptiness With Serenity

January 22, 2012 by  
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The below post by Mark Nepo discusses three important ideas: 1 – our journey in rediscovering who we truly are, 2 – the acceptance of life as is and 3 – finding love and peace in the struggle.

Regardless of where we come from, the concept of being like everyone else and the acceptance of a formulaic idea of happiness get imbued into our psyche at a very early age. “You must be someone”, “You must have a bank account”, “You must own things” gets beat into us as the only way to live a life.  No space is left for originality and individuality.  And then we suffer because society’s concept of how to live a good life might be in direct opposition to our own ideas. I’m not saying having a bank account or owning things is a bad thing.  Every quality for a life chosen and every path taken is right when it is in accordance with one’s being.  And so recouping our own way becomes imperative to our journey.

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Everybody Is Looking For Love. Or Are We?

January 19, 2012 by  
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If you ask anyone the answer will be yes.  We say we want to feel loved and to love.  But the truth is while we do want love we raise so many obstacles that love would have to be a champion jumper to get over all the walls we have built.

In today’s world of online dating going out with the opposite sex (or the same sex) is not a problem. Put up a picture then write a few things about yourself and you are good to go.

On the outside, online dating has facilitated meeting others – something that gets progressively harder as you get older –but it also creates an environment where people come in with laundry lists of what they don’t want and an attitude of “next”.

What is the attitude of “next”?  As a first impression you are not exactly what I think I’m looking for, so next.   Next because just in my geographic area there is thousands of other people eager to meet someone else.  Basically the attitude of “next” has turned us into kids in a candy store.

If you are looking to fall in love that will require a combination of two things: physical attraction and getting to know someone else.  Do we want the same things out of life? Can we be true friends?  Do we respect each other? Do we admire each other? These are questions that can only be answered with time.

As far as the long list of things you don’t want, my suggestion is to exchange those for the things you do want.

So next time you go on a date, try to go without any expectations.  See the other person without comparing them to your fantasy.  Maybe they will surprise you.  If you do seem to have a few things in common, give them a second chance. They might surprise you.  And mostly take your walls down.  If you really want to fall in love, you must be willing to show and share your heart.   Without that there is no falling in love.

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The Yummy Book: 25 Life Recipes For Happier Living

January 19, 2012 by  
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Dear Friends:

I have a few free coupons for downloads of my eBook, The Yummy Book: 25 Life Recipes For Happier Living.  If you are interested please send me an email to debcalla@theloveprojectinc.com and I will send you a coupon.  Please let me know as soon as possible as I only have a few.

Happy Living!

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The Truth About Positive Thinking

January 16, 2012 by  
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Positive thinking sells book, newspapers and magazines.  That’s it.

I’m not down on being positive. I’m down on a simplistic approach to finding greater contentment in life. Let me explain what I mean:

I don’t believe repeating I’m beautiful time and time again will actually get me to feel beautiful unless a lot of other personal work gets done.

I don’t believe posting notes all over the house with the words “I’m happy” will actually get me to be happy.

But I do believe in hoping for the best as it takes as much effort to dream of things coming out to our satisfaction as it does the other way around.

I also believe in not attaching such absolute qualities as good or bad to everything that happens. Life is more complex than that.  In every “bad” situation there is a possibility of good. But if we only see it as bad, then that possibility is not available.

Building a sense of gratitude, appreciation and connection with the self, I believe, will give anyone more satisfaction than the old “Don’t worry be happy.”

Repetition in and of itself is just that; repetition.

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Stop Jumping The Gun

January 13, 2012 by  
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Do you let your blood boil?  Do you respond to a provocation without thinking?  Do you sometimes answer before truly thinking about the question?  Do you jump to conclusions? Do you act on things only to regret a moment later?  If you answered yes to any of these questions then you suffer from “jumpenites of the gun.”

But don’t feel bad.  You are not alone.  I ought to know being a Sagittarian (fire sign) and Latin (fire birth right).

But here is the good news.  There is now a remedy for jumping the gun.  It is called: Taking time.

Now don’t confuse being spontaneous with jumping the gun.

Being spontaneous means you have a strong feeling inside.  An example is when one is overcome with a sense of love and follows through by telling a person how much they love them or give them a hug or a kiss. That’s usually a good thing unless the recipient doesn’t know the giver or the spontaneity is out of place.

Jumping the gun, is when we are reacting to something rather than initiating.  In these situations stopping to take time will either allow us to see the light or allow for a greater sense of certainty.

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Figure Out What You Want, Then Take Action

January 11, 2012 by  
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The first step in getting what you want is being clear about what you want.  Statements like “I just want to be happy” are useless because they do not include a specific goal or a specific method.

Now, if I said I want to be happy by finding a partner then I would be able to start strategizing how to go about achieving what I want.  I could tell my friends if they know anyone to introduce me to or I could join a dating service.

If I said I want to be happy by improving my living conditions then I would know I would have to find a job that would give me higher earnings so I could improve my living conditions.

In essence the clearer we are about what we want the better we arm ourselves with ways to go about getting them.

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The Three Most Powerful Words: I Love You

January 9, 2012 by  
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The below post by Dennis Merritt Jones talks about the importance of saying of hearing the words I love you.  In his blog, Dennis points out that the impact of these words is great even if they come from complete strangers.  I couldn’t agree more.

While reading it I was reminded how much a touch, a nod or a word from a complete stranger while caring for my terminal husband helped me.

I was reminded of the kindness I found in various waiting rooms or treatment centers of hospitals. Sometimes the gestures were as simple as the handing of a tissue but its impact profound and transformative.

As people we have an innate need to connect to share happiness or sadness.  We want to connect to feel we belong.

The words I love you carry such meaning in them as to make both the giver and the receiver instantaneously feel connected.

So why don’t we say it more often?

Sometimes because we believe those words should only be uttered to others that make our hearts skip a beat.  But what if we thought of love as a way of being? Wouldn’t we then have love for all?

How happier wouldn’t we all be if we heard often that we are loved?  How happier wouldn’t we all be if we could tell others we love them?

Changing the way we all relate can start with each one of us.  It can start with us feeling love within and wanting to share it with all that cross our paths.

What if every day of your life you heard I love you.  What if every day of your life you said I love you.  What would your life feel like? Take a minute to imagine it before you respond.

I know what my answer is:

I LOVE YOU.

Please read on…

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Don’t Travel Alone The Aging Process; Learn From Others

January 4, 2012 by  
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I have always liked having older folks as friends.  I’m talking about people in their 80s and 90s.  The reason is pretty simple: they’ve been there and done that.

At some point in our western social and cultural development the pendulum of wisdom swung from the elders to the young.  Experience became secondary to the glow of youth and in the process we – young and middle aged – lost plenty.

In our shortsighted view of the world we have forgotten that regardless how many diets we follow or how much cream we buy, we will all age or die. But instead of having a road map from the people that have gone through the process before us, we end up having to discover the way all over again by ourselves. Questions like: is life still worth living when we look like prunes, can we still have fun when we have to move a little slower, can we love, can we have intimacy, what are the things in my life now that when I get to be in my 80s I will realize were not worth losing sleep over, go unanswered.

My neighbor is 87 years old and she lives by herself.  She travels either to Hawaii or Vegas once every two months.  She flirts and her social life is intense.  I ask her questions.  From her I learned it is possible to be content at any age.  It is possible to still be curious about life. It is still possible to want to love.  And it is still possible to be physically active.  I look at her and I realize – unlike what I hear and see from the media – that life is worth living at any age.  She inspires me.

I hope I will have her around for a long time so I can continue to get directions as I travel through life’s journey.

Please read on…

Get Happy: 5 Surprising Resolutions from the Wisest Americans

By Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D.

Work. “Ask yourself: Are you glad to get up in the morning?” When it comes to your job, the elders propose a diagnostic test: How do you feel when you get up on a workday morning? You may be ambivalent about your job and have your ups and downs. But when it comes down to it, how do you feel when you are having that first cup of coffee?

Are you at least in a tolerable mood, looking forward to something about work? If instead you feel dread and foot-dragging, the elders say it may be time for a change. As Albert, 80, put it: “It’s a long day if you don’t like what you’re doing. You better get another job because there’s no harsher penalty than to wake up and go to work at a job you don’t like.” …Continued

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The Yummy Book: 25 Life Recipes For Happy Living

January 3, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

Hi,

Wanted to share with everyone the publication of my first eBook: The Yummy Book, 25 Life Recipes For Happy Living.

You can check it out at Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Yummy-Book-Recipes-Living-ebook/dp/B006SN7WS6/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1

or at Smashwords:

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/119338

I hope you enjoy it.

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