Living A Life Of Love

March 29, 2012 by  
Filed under Featured

What a great article by Deepak Chopra (see below).

In it he discusses at length love as a state of being and not a feeling that we can fall into and out of.

I have many times written about taking a journey within as if we were courting someone we were interested in.  We take steps to get to know the person.  We listen to them and we plan to do things that will make them smile.  And so is the same as we journey within.  We get to know ourselves, we make time to listen to our hearts and we do things that bring us pleasure. And in the end we create a strong love bond with our own selves.

It is only from that place that we can truly love others.  Because when we love ourselves, we don’t need others to fill a void inside.  It is actually the contrary.  We need others so we can share that which we already have.  That is the nature of love; sharing.

If we don’t live in love then having someone come into our lives is a cause of happiness and of disaster.  Happiness when the person comes into our lives and disaster as they depart because with them they take away our feeling of wellness. Even as those feelings were always temporary as they were not created within.  If we lived in love we would become sad when a relationship ended, but never lose sight of ourselves or lose love in our lives.

Living in love turns the experience of life into a compassionate and exciting journey.

Please read on…

The 5-Step Path to a Life of Love

By Deepak Chopra

Deepak Chopra, co-founder of the Chopra Foundation and co-author of War of the Worldviews: Science vs. Spirituality, reveals how to create a life founded on the world’s most generous and joyful emotion.

Love has arrived at a strange crossroads. It seems very odd to say, “I want to be more loving. Is there a scientist who can help with that?” But in modern life, our notion of love has shifted. More and more we are told—in magazines, learned journals and media reports—that love can be broken down into medical explanations, that it is produced by reactions in the brain, both chemical and electrical…Continued

 

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The Right To Feel As We Do

March 24, 2012 by  
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Photo by Angie Rubin

That’s a tough one, simply because it’s complicated.

We have responses to everything that touches our lives, but sometimes it is difficult to manage all the feelings.  We question ourselves:  Is this my real feeling or is this made-up to cover up for the “truth”?  Do I have the right to feel this way?

Anyone, that has spent time delving into the inner-workings of the self, know we must pull all the layers back – the ones we have created to fit in, or the ones that have been created as a protection mechanism – to find how we truly feel.  And even when we get there, we often have the impulse to explain why we feel the way we do.

I have known and have finally learned that my feelings don’t have to be “right” or “wrong”, but do have the right to exist.

It is a mistake to look at our feelings and try to understand them from a point of view where we need to classify them as good or bad, right or wrong.   If we could instead just look at our feelings as our own response to something or someone without judgment, we would find a great deal more of well-being and compassion for own selves.

Learning to allow our feelings to exist, come as a result of a great deal of inner-working.  It is usually then followed by trusting our instincts and knowing that our core is strong enough to support us in whatever results from our actions.  In that there is great freedom.

Feelings often evade logic and operate at a different cadence.   That is most clear in romantic relationships.  Why do we like each other?  On paper it may not work, but in life it does.  Or the other way around.  Why is that?  Feelings don’t necessarily follow logic.

Often instead of simply acting according to our feelings, we try to explain them away and get others to help in this endeavor.  But, regardless how well-intentioned a friend, partner or family member is, they can’t fully understand and therefore help guide our responses.

It all comes back to an intimate relationship with the self.  Once we have that we learn to give room to our feelings knowing they are valid as they are and regardless of the results we will be okay.

We stand-up for how we feel without anger or judgment with the singular thought of: this is who I am and this is how I feel.

 

 

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Love And Relationship Myths

March 21, 2012 by  
Filed under Featured

There is something amazing that happens when we stop looking for others to love us because we feel unloved or because we need someone to fill up a hole within. We actually become able to experience love. Not Hollywood love, not puppy love, but mature and profound love.

When we have spent time getting to know ourselves and have come to enjoy our own company, we are never alone.

When we discover that love comes in many ways and can be experienced in a daily basis, we are no longer starved.

When we find that we can have fun with friends, family or by ourselves, we no longer are dependent on the myth that happiness can only come from a partnership and we smile broadly.

When we finally realize we are complete as we are and don’t need another person to become whole then we are ready to be in love.

A successful relationship is one where two people come together to share their vision of a journey and support each other as they travel. Not as halves, but as two self-sufficient individuals leading complete lives.

Once we feel good about whom we are and the work we do, loving someone else is based on self and mutual respect.  Not a relationship out of need, but one born out of partnership.

Nurturing joyful love needs freedom to stretch and grow.  Needing someone else to feel complete acts as the exact opposite.  We become needy, desperate and most likely incapable of truly experiencing the wonder of love.

Sooner or later we all face our own nature, but if we have forged a relationship with the self we are never alone and always in love regardless of being in a partnership or not.

Please read on…

LOVE MYTHS

By Dawn Raffel

“Everybody has one soul mate.” “True lovers can read each other’s minds.” “All you need is love.” A psychotherapist who’s seen it all pokes holes in some of romance’s little fairy tales and explains why life is saner—and happier—without them.

If we could each pick a few songs to banish from our heads, Diana de Vegh would nominate all those soggy old refrains that say there’s one—and only one—true love for each of us: our better half, our shining knight, the person we’ll be lost without. That line of thought, says de Vegh, a therapist in private practice in New York, isn’t benignly corny—it’s harmful, feeding what she calls the myth of love scarcity…Continued

 

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Being Coherent With Our Truth

March 19, 2012 by  
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Sometimes being coherent with ourselves and respectful of who we are can put situations and relationships at risk.  So, what do we do?

If something inside of us is telling us a particular situation isn’t right, but we know confronting it might mean an adverse response, do we go forward and explore how we feel or do we retreat and try to bury the feelings?

I think the true answer is, we move forward in step with our feelings.  While we are risking losing the situation or the person by confronting them with our feelings, we will be living in our truth which is the only way we can live in harmony.  Because, not giving air to our thoughts and feelings does not make them go away.  It only transforms them into resentment, anger and sadness.  So, it is obvious that as hard as sometimes it can be, we must act according to our truth.

Now, how we go about it is something we can work on.  First we have to make peace with all the possibilities that can happen by our actions – from the best to the worst.  Once we thought about all the outcomes then we have to think of the approach as we are trying for the best.  So planning is a good thing.

Picking the right time, and coming from a place of love – rather than anger and resentment – will allow us to stay in respect for us, the other person and the situation.  Calmly stating how we feel without blame and accusations will most certainly give the other person the chance to also be truthful.

Once the cards are on the table a decision can be made as to the future of a situation or relationship.  If it is not the outcome expected we must remind ourselves that what has taken place would have been the end result regardless.  The truth is the truth.  But, what we have gained is the knowledge that however hard a situation might be for us to confront, we have the strength and the respect to say: “I don’t want to live this.”

As we go on in our lives respecting our own boundaries a sense of strength and respect develops within us – which is a lot more important and truthful than hoping that which isn’t  right to transform itself in being right.

It takes courage to live in harmony, but it really is the only way to find true contentment.

 

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Finding Freedom

March 15, 2012 by  
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Photo By Angie Rubin

When I became an adult, somehow I bought into the illusion that if I worked really hard and I was a good person then success and happiness would follow.  I became such a devout to those ideas that I had every single second of my life accounted for.  As I work in the creative field – meaning less structure – I even came up with a way to count how many hours a day I actually spent working.  Of course, letting anything or anyone pull me away from my straight jacket schedule was not an option.

What I eventually found out is that in life 1+1 does not always equal 2.  Point is that someone who works less hours can actually do better than someone who works non-stop.  A person who follows a strict plan of action doesn’t necessarily achieve more than a person who goes with the flow.

Of course, I’m not saying kick up your heels and wait for life to land on your lap.  What I am saying is creating rigidity in life does not guarantee anything except choking.

Anyone over the age of twenty-five already knows from experience that we can’t control the outcome of anything.  So, really embracing the concept of being open to life’s flow should not be an issue. It should be a foregone conclusion.

Creativity needs space to thrive.  Excessive control kills it.  And not only that, it also kills opportunities.  When we live a regimented life we can’t see opportunities when they present themselves because we are too busy following our plan.

Basically, if we are not open to flow with life we fall out of synch.  Life becomes repetitive and we feel uninspired.

Friedrich Nietzsche said: “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” I’m sure he wasn’t referring to insanity or craziness.  What I believe the great philosopher was referring to was to a pliable heart and mind.

Change, growth, beauty, excitement and pleasure need “chaos”.  Filling up every second of our lives with work and keeping anything or anyone away who would interrupt us kills the “chaos”.

Once we understand we need to let go of this fictitious control then letting it happen can feel scary and unsettling at first.  It can make us feel as if we are out at sea holding on for dear life.  So we don’t have to let go all at once.  We can put one toe in the water and then another until both feet are in.  We breathe through the process and we constantly remind ourselves that we have everything we need to thrive; we have ourselves.  Strong, knowledgeable and confident in our own abilities to move to whatever rhythm life is playing.

My mother always says “we move in the dark”.  She’s right.  But, if we have a strong core we can move without bumping into things, enjoy the journey and go places we never thought even existed.

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Give Up On Being Right And Be Happy

March 11, 2012 by  
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One key ingredient to any successful relationship is giving up on being right.  That goes for any type of relationship.

If two friends have different points of view, fighting to prove that one is right and the other is wrong is a recipe for disaster.

If co-workers have different ways to go about a solution, fighting to prove one way is better than the other, is the quickest way to discord and most likely failure.

The point is: it never matters who is right.  What matters is to be able to do what’s needed in co-operation and that only can happen if both parties can get their ego out of the way and tend to the task at hand.

Relationship intelligence teaches us to realize – before too late – that we are headed to a confrontation if we don’t approach a subject humbly.  What I mean is; instead of saying this is how it is, what about saying “what do you think?”  By inviting and being open to the other person’s point of view we show 1 – their opinion is important, and 2 – we are willing to listen.   It’s a simple adjustment that makes friends instead of enemies.

Another key ingredient is paying compliments.  I’m not talking about making up lies or being sugary.  I’m talking about recognizing a quality in another person and letting them know we are aware and appreciate it.   The message is: I see you.

Why not be supportive?  All of us deal with rejections on a daily basis. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we heard from our partners, friends and colleagues that there is something about us they truly appreciate?

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if we are right or wrong.  What matters is that we find a way to live in harmony with the people that are important to us.  It also doesn’t hurt to spread a little love by telling others how they matter to us.

Try it out.  Give up being right, pay some compliments and watch your life change .

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The Value Of A Great Sense Of Self

March 9, 2012 by  
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boy and the sky

Interesting post by Deepak Chopra (see below) where he takes on scientific as well as religious believes about the self.

Yes, many of our behaviors and thoughts come from our chemistry and yes it is the ego that keeps us eternally running in the rat’s wheel.

As I’m not a scientist or a believer – or think it matters for the purpose of discussing the self – I’ll leave that alone.

What I know – and humbly agree with Deepak – is that there is something else.  I’m sure of it only because it has had the greatest impact in my own life; it is the self.

As I invest in MY self, the life objective is not so much to fully understand in an intellectual way who am I or the quintessential question what’s my purpose in life.  It really is to create a greater sense of harmony – a feeling of well-being.

I know – from personal experience – that a connection with the self can sooth, balance, and comfort.  I know, a connection with the self, creates a bond from where we can operate in the world in a more satisfying way.  Having a strong knowing connection allows us to be free and to be whom we are without needing to define that and without being fearful.

It doesn’t matter if this self is a combination of things or of nothing.  We don’t need to define what it is to bask in its gift as creating a connection with the self gives us a solid footing from where we can calmly deal with life’s ups and downs without following the bouncing ball.

So how do we create this bond?  Initially through saving some of our time and energy to just be with ourselves and to listen to our own thoughts.  It is called solitude. Once we start appreciating the effects of giving our inner-selves a voice, we will go back to the pond every time for answers and harmony.

Please read on.

Seeking The Self: A Ghost Story

By Deepak Chopra

We are all quite certain that we have a self. When you say “I like chocolate” or “I vote progressive,” no one asks what you mean by “I.” That task was left for centuries to philosophers and theologians. “Know thyself” is an axiom worth heeding, but what is there to know? If one camp of modern science has its way, the answer is “nothing.” The self, we are told, is an illusion created by the complexity of brain functions. As thousands of inputs bombard each other every second, forming an almost infinite tangle of neural messages, a ghost was created whose name is “I.” …Continued

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I Live Alone And I Like It

March 7, 2012 by  
Filed under Featured

Living alone gets a bad rap. Mostly because people equate being alone with lonely.  Nothing could be further from the truth as one can feel lonely in the middle of a crowd.  As well as, one can feel fulfilled by themselves. Loneliness relates not to the number of people surrounding us, but to the connections with the self.

I love living alone because I get to do what I want, how I want in the best company possible; that of my own self.  Now, by most people’s standards I’m a very social person.  I have many friends and an active work life. So, it is when I’m alone that I get to listen to how I’m truly feeling and bask in the simple easy things that I’ve learned give me a great sense of serenity.

I also have extensive experience in living with others.  Besides living with friends, I have also had two long term relationships where I shared a home. In the first, living together made me completely lonely, the second made me feel I had a home and belonged.

Maybe one day, I’ll get to share my home with someone again.  So, I enjoy my time on my own now and know if and when I share my life with someone else, I will make sure to never give up on the sacred time I have now come to enjoy so much; that with myself.

Please read on.

How Living Alone Can Be Good For You

By Laura Schocker

My whole life I’ve been told that teamwork is golden. The clichés say it all: Two heads are better than one. The more the merrier. There is no “I” in “team.” I grew up to view being in the company of others as the de facto ideal state. And for many years, it was true: my senior year of college, I lived with seven of my closest girlfriends in one house. Just as I predicted, it was one of the best years of my life. No matter what time of day or night there was always a friend to bounce an idea off of, a shoulder to cry on or a late-night snack buddy. It was domestic bliss for a 22-year-old...Continued

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The Power Of Now

March 4, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

Human Hearts

We all talk about how great it is to live in the moment.   We know there is nothing to be done about the past and the future is a question mark.  But, living in the moment is much more than just being present.  It also means to be free of expectations.  It means to live each moment fully without the pressure of where the moment will take us. It means to be so immerse in it that it becomes an end in itself. No easy feat because we are constantly battling a need to control and to know the outcome of everything we do.

Unfortunately, it is especially in romantic relationships that we see the need to control thriving.  I say unfortunately because that is what most of us proclaim to want – a romantic relationship. And that is where a need to control can create the greatest amount of damage.

It is understandable to be cautious, after all most of us over the age of twenty have experienced heartbreak or betrayal, and we know how much it hurts.  But, analyzing and measuring our every action makes it impossible to experience a fulfilling relationship.

Constantly questioning what he or she will think or what will happen if I do this or that, turns a relationship – which should be spontaneous and free – into a recipe for discontentment.   It is impossible to truly enjoy oneself in the company of another when the what ifs are so present.

So, how do we truly live in the moment? We work at it as if we were building up a muscle.  We set the goal and then with disciple and consciousness we work at it.

We remind ourselves any idea of control of outcomes is a mere illusion.  We remind ourselves there is only the moment of NOW and rather than spoiling it with worries of the future we should let ourselves go and fully enjoy the present.

Every time we are able to stop ourselves from projecting into the future, we are building the muscle of being in the NOW.  And every time we achieve that, we are paid back with a great feeling of freedom.

If there is something I have learned in my life, is things can change in ways we could have never imagined.  Sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse.  Missing out on fully being in a moment  is missing out on life.

I’m not saying I have accomplished being able to live without expectations.  But, I work at it every day by doing what I think I want to do without wondering where it will lead me.  I’m learning to trust my instincts to guide me to greater fulfillment in life.  I know I have no control of outcomes.

We have not control of outcomes. So, why not let go of expectations and fully embrace each moment?

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The Yummy Book: 25 Life Recipes For Happy Living

March 3, 2012 by  
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From March 4th through March 10th “The Yummy Book: 25 Life Recipes For Happy Living” will be on sale at Smashwords for $1.50.

This is a really easy to read book where you can always find a positive word.  All formats are available for a download.

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