Love And Addiction: Not One And The Same
Interesting post pasted below on one of my favorite topics: the difference between love and addiction.
The definition of addition is: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
Now combine addiction with the stories we watch on our computers, TV or film screens and we have a recipe for disaster.
Even though it sounds great to hear in a movie something like “You complete me” the truth is nobody can complete anybody else. If we don’t feel worthy or whole on our own, it is a waste of time and energy to think it will come from someone else.
To truly be in love and have a healthy relationship, we must first feel good about ourselves. We must know who we are and what we want. Depending on others to reflect who we are can only create unhealthy connections.
A loving relationship is a partnership. It is the coming together of two people to support each other on their individual processes of growth.
Believing we can’t exist without the other is not true or fair.
In my younger days, I did experience a complete sense of loss and actual physical pain when a “needy” relationship came to an end. I remember one specific situation where I literally spent days in bed because my body actually hurt. But, the truth was that my pain had nothing to do with the end of the relationship and all to do with the fact I wasn’t whole on my own. It was easier to think it was because of someone else rather than me being the culprit.
It wasn’t until I decide to invest in getting to know me and understanding who I was that I came to have a loving relationship in my life. And when my husband died, I did not die with him – although he had been the greatest love of my life.
I may or may not be again in a partnership. But, I will never be incomplete.
Limerence and the Biochemical Roots of Love Addiction
By David Sack, M.D.
Popular culture has done us a great disservice in our understanding of romantic love. From a young age, we watch movies and read books that form the scripts of our adult relationships. But popular culture usually gets it wrong, often in the name of entertainment, and ends up confusing love with limerence…Continued