Create Yourself

August 27, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

There is a type of dance human beings in relationships do; self-defense/attack.  I’m not referring to romantic relationships only.  I’m talking about all kinds of relationships; work, family and friendship.

We feel insecure, we cover up by attacking.  We feel hurt, we cover up by attacking.

Most of us are taught and trained to hit back when attacked. But, if we think about it, in most situations, that only leads to more discord. By reacting we fail to understand the attack is coming from hurt and not hatred.  That most likely the best response is actually one of understanding.

As we grow as people we understand that sometimes others attack us not because they don’t love us, but because they don’t know what to do with their own hurt. Once we understand that we then start to develop compassion for their behavior.  We stop feeling attacked and instead comprehend and forgive.

Not attacking back or not being reactionary is not a sign of weakness, but actually a sign of strength.   Only a healthy ego can understand other people’s hurt without having to show off how wise it is.

This state of being is not something easy to master, but something worth while to invest in.  What I have learned to do is when attacked by someone I care about instead of reacting, I step aside.  I still have to work on the getting hurt part. It takes time to emotionally realize it is not personal. But, when I’m successful in stepping aside, I’m always surprised how the situation turns around without a show down simply because I exercised understanding and compassion.

Don’t take others reactions at face value.  If you are in any type of a relationship where from time to time there is an emotional attack out of nowhere, take a moment to think about the motivation.  Don’t react.  Exercise understanding and compassion.  Most situations will work themselves out.  And remember; it is a mark of your strength and growth.

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Comments

3 Responses to “Create Yourself”
  1. Jill says:

    This was a wonderfully concise article that reaffirmed for me that my recent practice of diffusing tense situations with understanding is in fact the way to go. My previous battle-ready mentality certainly wasn’t getting me anywhere but I had been struggling with the feeling that to not express my discontent was in fact to “eat shit”. Now I just feel that it is a more evolved way to work with the situation.

    • Deborah Calla says:

      Dear Jill,

      Sorry for the much delayed response. I’m glad you found my post to support your new way of being. I totally get your process. I spent many years of my life being proud of the fact that I never “ate shit” without realizing that I was often in a ready to battle state of mind which got me nowhere. As my ego got stronger, I was then able to let go of needing to prove to be right to having better relationships and communications. All the best to you. Deborah

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  1. [...] Create Yourself: There is a type of dance human beings in relationships do; self-defense/attack.  I’m not referring to romantic relationships only.  I’m talking about all kinds of relationships; work, family and friendship. [...]