Sometimes Letting Go Is Best

August 17, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog

Sometimes no matter what we do, a relationship doesn’t work out.  It is terribly painful when after trying all different ways of being and relating we come to the understanding a particular dynamic will never be satisfying or even civilized.  Once we get to that point the next hardest thing happens; we need to let go.  This scenario happens in friendships, in family and romantic relationships.

Yesterday, talking to a friend she shared she had come to the end of trying to have a minimally positive relationship with her husband of fifteen years.  In her case, her husband went from being a recovering alcoholic to being an alcoholic.  And no matter what she says or tries he continues on his path of self-destruction.  She has decided to ask him to leave; a very painful decision as they also have kids.  But she has come to the point where she understands there can’t be a relationship between them beyond her being his caretaker.

I understand her decision.   I too recently have come to the same point with a family member.  It is not easy, but when you realize there will never be a good outcome, the only thing you can do is remove yourself from the equation.  Now I didn’t come to this point easily.  We are talking of an entire life time of trying different approaches and a lot of pain as a result.  But sometimes we have to be humble and recognize it really isn’t up to us.

Ending or withdrawing from a relationship is not a perfect solution, especially if it involves a family member.  In these situations one must understand there is no satisfying outcome.  There is only the healthier path. It doesn’t mean you have stopped loving them.  It just means you realize a relationship is not possible.

Letting go of people is never easy, but sometimes having them in our lives causes us more pain than good.  And that goes for the other person as well.  In those instances center yourself, take a deep breath, wish them well, and let them go without anger or recrimination.

Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go. — Sylvia Robinson

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How Storytelling Saved My Life

August 7, 2011 by  
Filed under Inspiring People

Sharing our stories allow us to understand and have compassion for ourselves.  It also shows others that none of us are perfect or have perfect lives.  By honestly sharing we create a human community.

By Edward Grinnan, Special to CNN

One spring day 25 years ago, I found myself perched on the 21st floor windowsill of a Denmark hotel room, holding what I thought would be my last alcoholic drink. I planned to give it up in a big way.

For all these years, I never told that story publicly, despite being the editor-in-chief of Guideposts, an interfaith magazine in which ordinary people tell their own stories of hope. My job is to persuade and help people tell those stories.

I’ve long known that such stories are our best medium for forging connections with our fellow human beings. They help span the breach of solipsism to unify the human experience…continued

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A Year Of Good Deeds

February 21, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

My friend Claire Pascal started a blog called A Year Of Good Deeds.

Claire is a very special woman.  She’s a writer and a teacher.

When 9/11 happened it touched her so profoundly she went to Yale to study theology. She needed a different kind of knowledge to understand or at least to cope better with devastation.

My friend Claire looks at life and people with profound respect and understanding.  She’s kind to others as well and to herself.  She’s fallen many times without ever losing her heart.  And for that she has my admiration. It is not easy to fall, truly see oneself down, get up and still be opened to the world.

As Claire writes about herself she lets us in her humanity and we are all better off for that.

Below is Claire’s statement about the birth of her blog.

A HAPPIER LIFE

So my life fell apart. I couldn’t deny my alcoholism anymore, a dear friend died, and then my marriage tore apart–wrenching and painful. To recover from the wreck I’ve become, I’m conducting an experiment: I will do one good deed a day. I’m hoping this helps me peek out from my miserable self-absorption and perhaps do a tiny bit of good for the world. Will this make me or anyone else happier?

A THOUSAND CONNECTIONS

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I just got back from an AA meeting and I stand corrected about the saying: “Give 100% expecting nothing back.”  Here’s the more accurate version:  “Give 100% because it’s free and fun expecting nothing back not even a thank you.”  A tougher version.  Now I have to have fun while I’m giving without expecting a reward.

Good deeds today:  Flowers for my AA sponsor.  A thank you note to the woman guard at the entrance of my condo complex.  She’s the only female guard and she always waves and smiles at me when I come home late at night from work, which is often…Continued

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