Why Are We Our Own Worst Enemy?

May 10, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

We jump to conclusions, we imagine take-overs and we strike back.  I see it time and time again and I do because I am a recovering “the world is out to get me” person.

Some years ago, there was someone in my life that used to tell me all the time: “It’s not about you.  It’s almost never about you.”  That’s when I started to put the brakes on my thinking and reacting.  What if this person was right?  What if the bad moods, unreturned phone calls and bad behaviors, were not about me and I was getting all worked up and ready to fight?

So I started stopping myself from reacting by breathing and calming myself down.  I also started telling myself it most likely wasn’t about me and if it was I would have plenty of time to deal with the situation.  Not reacting, I learned, would always give me time to see if it was about me and to put my thoughts together if it was.

I’m thinking about this because I recently had an exchange with someone who COMPLETELY misread my actions and went on an attack that was uncalled for. The more I tried to explain that she was misreading what I was saying, the more she attacked me.  I then realized it really wasn’t about me.  It was about her.  For whatever reasons this person is angry and she is looking for a way to justify why she is a victim.  I could have been me or anybody else.  To her it didn’t matter.  She needed to lash out.

So next time you feel attacked, or ignored, take a moment to consider if it really is about you.  Most likely it is not, and the best response is to wish that person well and move on.

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