Love Lesson

June 20, 2009 by  
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Today I’m thinking about my husband more than usual. 

His white, scaly skin of the end, his scars crossing his chest and stomach every which way, his wrinkled tired face, his puffy eyes, bold head and his incredible desire to live.

My August 15th call to 911 was my last call to them.  The paramedics carried him out at 6am and unlike other times I knew he wasn’t coming home.  

At the very end, I laid down next to him in bed while his brother and sister helped me stay there and not fall off.  Till the very end we were together, my husband and I. How beautiful is that?

Yesterday I wrote about being positive, of overcoming obstacles, today I write about my very vivid memories of my husband’s last hours and both the sadness and the positive are me.  

I think again about that Caetano song and its chorus “You didn’t teach me how to forget you; you only taught me how to love you.”

I also think about an article I read a couple of days ago, that I wished I could remember where I had read it, that said most people consider adversity as unusual times and the calm periods as the normal periods of life.  The article’s writer, who is either a psychiatrist a therapist of something like that, was trying to make a point that the calm periods of life are actually the abnormal times and that adversity is what life is really about.

I’m not sure of his point yet but I keep thinking about it.  So I believe in some level it rings true to me. 

After my husband passed I kept thinking that life was going to give me some time off, but that certainly has not been the case, I continue to be bombarded with all types of problems.  As I am a funny person I tell my friends “there is no rest for the wicked”.

I will keep thinking about the therapist/psychiatrists’ words looking for its truth or lack of but for now I want to thank my husband for teaching me how to love him and to never trying to teach me how to forget him but mostly for teaching me how to keep going.

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Caetano’s Song

June 16, 2009 by  
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I’m sitting in a car in Rio de Janeiro my native city, on my way to look at a possible location for a film when the chorus of a song catches my attention “You didn’t teach me how to forget you; you only taught me how to love you. 

I think it is Caetano, a famous Brazilian singer, singing.  His voice is beautiful and his singing moving.

I first think what a sad touching song but soon I realize it should be much more than that.

What a gift to be taught how to love!  Truly loving someone is always having love within. Love is always comforting even when for whatever reason the person who allowed us to connect to this deep well is no longer there.

If I had composed this song with Caetano, my next line would have been “…but your love taught me how to be whole.”

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