Finding Freedom

March 15, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

Photo By Angie Rubin

When I became an adult, somehow I bought into the illusion that if I worked really hard and I was a good person then success and happiness would follow.  I became such a devout to those ideas that I had every single second of my life accounted for.  As I work in the creative field – meaning less structure – I even came up with a way to count how many hours a day I actually spent working.  Of course, letting anything or anyone pull me away from my straight jacket schedule was not an option.

What I eventually found out is that in life 1+1 does not always equal 2.  Point is that someone who works less hours can actually do better than someone who works non-stop.  A person who follows a strict plan of action doesn’t necessarily achieve more than a person who goes with the flow.

Of course, I’m not saying kick up your heels and wait for life to land on your lap.  What I am saying is creating rigidity in life does not guarantee anything except choking.

Anyone over the age of twenty-five already knows from experience that we can’t control the outcome of anything.  So, really embracing the concept of being open to life’s flow should not be an issue. It should be a foregone conclusion.

Creativity needs space to thrive.  Excessive control kills it.  And not only that, it also kills opportunities.  When we live a regimented life we can’t see opportunities when they present themselves because we are too busy following our plan.

Basically, if we are not open to flow with life we fall out of synch.  Life becomes repetitive and we feel uninspired.

Friedrich Nietzsche said: “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” I’m sure he wasn’t referring to insanity or craziness.  What I believe the great philosopher was referring to was to a pliable heart and mind.

Change, growth, beauty, excitement and pleasure need “chaos”.  Filling up every second of our lives with work and keeping anything or anyone away who would interrupt us kills the “chaos”.

Once we understand we need to let go of this fictitious control then letting it happen can feel scary and unsettling at first.  It can make us feel as if we are out at sea holding on for dear life.  So we don’t have to let go all at once.  We can put one toe in the water and then another until both feet are in.  We breathe through the process and we constantly remind ourselves that we have everything we need to thrive; we have ourselves.  Strong, knowledgeable and confident in our own abilities to move to whatever rhythm life is playing.

My mother always says “we move in the dark”.  She’s right.  But, if we have a strong core we can move without bumping into things, enjoy the journey and go places we never thought even existed.

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Learning To Change

July 2, 2011 by  
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Photo by Angie Rubin

The road between the intellect and the heart when it comes to changes is a long winding road full of stops and alternate routes.

Yes, the first step is realizing we should change from being A to being B.  Second step is believing we have already changed from A to B.  Third step is the challenge.  This is when a situation will occur to test us in our resolution to change.  The greater the change the greater the challenge.  This is when we doubt if we are going down the right path because we feel uncomfortable, uncertain, and insecure, and all hell seems to be breaking lose.  But here is where we need to dig deep and reconnect with the truth that got us to think and act in a different way in the first place.  Once we do that, we have our footing.

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Finding Calm In Chaos

June 14, 2011 by  
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There is much to be learned in the time of crisis.  What is important and what isn’t.  What we can do with and what we can co without.  Finding serenity in chaos. Finding love for others and oneself.

My dad has been in the ICU for the past two weeks.  While he’s doing a little bit better, the outcome is still uncertain.

But wait only a couple of weeks ago I was reflecting in what a good time this is for me personally and professionally.  After mourning the passing of my husband for the past two and a half years, I have now started to feel strong and happiness has come back to grace my heart. And professionally, this too is a good time.

When my dad first got sick, I got angry.  Why now? Haven’t I gone through enough? Why now that I’m feeling my life is finally moving forward? I had thoughts like: “All I want is to be left alone and quiet for a little while and just live my life.”

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Staying True To Ourselves In Time Of Crisis

June 9, 2011 by  
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It is hard to stay centered and cognizant when we are travelling through chaos.  It is easy to get affected by other people’s emotional and psychological behaviors.  We get observed and judged.  And if we lose our center we become part of the chaos.

My father is sick in the hospital.  He’s 86 years old, so it is hard to tell how this is going to turn out.  Emotions are running high for everyone involved including me. So to support others and myself, I have to fight to take care of my well-being and stay grounded.  I have to be able to access and rely on my truth in every decision I take.

In the past I have acted impulsively, emotional and without setting limits to what was asked of me but others and myself included.

As I have gone through quite a few crises in my life, I’ve developed a short list of things to keep in mind not to drown when intense emotions are flying about.  They are:

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The Difficulty Of Seeing The Good

October 31, 2010 by  
Filed under Featured

Below is Huffington Post I really enjoyed  by Scott Schwenk that I wanted to share with you.

I don’t know about administering healing or the “Course in Miracles” but I do know about not being swept away by emotions.  I also know about not reacting to everything that happens.  Scott discusses a personal situation where he was able to stay centered and therefore not add anger and anxiety to an already complex situation.

This is a way of being that I have been able to master yet.  I still from time to time get carried away in the chaos.  But, I do know focusing on what is good and being able to recognize our humanity is the path.  As I often say we are all our own master pieces in the making.  See the good and have compassion for yourself and others.

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Learning To Love

July 19, 2010 by  
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I have a housekeeper who comes twice a month.  She’s 32 years old from El Salvador and she’s a grandmother.  Corina, is a lovely and kind woman.  When she found out I was a widow she hugged me tight while tears ran down her face.   It was not a put on and her gesture was not thought out, it was an impulse by someone who is free with her emotions.

I’ve never seen Corina sad or tired, although I know she struggles to support her family, and the more I get to know her the more I realize she’s happier than a lot of people I know who have plenty of money.

When Corina arrived today I had been thinking of my family, which is in Brazil and Italy, and of my late husband.  I was a little sad and wondering why love sometimes is so complicated and why must we hide, and distort the only thing that truly fills us up with hope, connectedness and contentment.

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The Real Difference Between Love And Dysfunction

July 16, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog, Popular Posts

heart in hands

It’s so amazing how we are addicted to chaos and dysfunction.  When I was younger I thought if people loved each other they fought, screamed, yelled and then in a fit of passion made up with each other.  That concept of love was partially baked at home but the icing came from watching soap operas, films and the headlines of newspapers and news programs.

I had my first boyfriend when I was thirteen.  It was an innocent relationship and we stayed together till I was seventeen.  But when I had my first argument with him, I actually spat on his face.  I didn’t plan to, but somewhere in my mind, I thought that would really show how much I loved him. Read more

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Are You Addicted To Drama?

June 24, 2010 by  
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I usually check out the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com) in the morning.  I like some of their political posts as well as their living posts.  I’m also loyal to the Huffington Post because I am one of their regular bloggers.

In today’s Living section I saw a headline that caught my attention; “Are You Addicted To Drama? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tom-ferry/self-help-are-you-addicte_b_623182.html ” posted by Tom Ferry.  I started reading it right away because I have not only been addicted to drama in the past but I have also had many people in my life suffering from the same condition.

While I agree with some of Tom’s statements such as: “how you feel determines your attitude. Your attitude then determines your actions, which ultimately determines the outcome”, and “Why are most people comfortable in this place of conflict? There’s a perceived benefit to being dramatic. We get attention. Our needs are being met because we are connecting with others” the accusatory and blaze tone he chose to use is in my opinion a reflection of his lack of understanding of why people create drama in their lives.

People create drama in their lives because:

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