The Truth About Love

January 1, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog, Popular Posts

heart on the beach

I was married at age twenty to a man who was eleven years my senior.  When I married the man, I was a recent Brazilian arrival doing a lot of drugs and hanging out with all the wrong people.  I thought getting married would settle me down and straight, but instead marked the beginning of the worst period of my life.  The man was intelligent and creative but he was also possessive, manipulative and had an ego that didn’t allow any other human to occupy the same space as his.  Within the first year the intelligent man showed himself as delusional and abusive.   It took me a long time to understand the man’s bravado was a cover up for deep seeded insecurity which he was ready to go to any lengths to hide.  Three years into the marriage, and I no longer knew if what I thought and felt was real or not.  Only my fantasies – where I took refuge- remained mine.  In them I dreamed of being rescued and of living the love story I so much craved.  But back in the real world my husband was busy spraying beer all over me and undermining any attempt I made to stand on my own two legs.

One day, as I stood on the edge of a subway platform, I thought I could make it all stop if I took one step forward.  Now I’m a survivor and that kind of thinking just scared the hell out of me, so I summoned all the courage I had, and sought out help.

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A Love Letter To My Husband – 2

August 14, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I wrote this letter to my husband late last night.  All the emotions in the words came pouring out and I was reminded how complex we all are.

That I can miss my husband but have the love and respect for life to keep investing and looking forward to the future.  That I can love him with all my heart but be open to give and receive love.  There is no limitation in life or in feelings.  When we feel there is one, it is us building the wall.

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