Give Up On Being Right And Be Happy

March 11, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

One key ingredient to any successful relationship is giving up on being right.  That goes for any type of relationship.

If two friends have different points of view, fighting to prove that one is right and the other is wrong is a recipe for disaster.

If co-workers have different ways to go about a solution, fighting to prove one way is better than the other, is the quickest way to discord and most likely failure.

The point is: it never matters who is right.  What matters is to be able to do what’s needed in co-operation and that only can happen if both parties can get their ego out of the way and tend to the task at hand.

Relationship intelligence teaches us to realize – before too late – that we are headed to a confrontation if we don’t approach a subject humbly.  What I mean is; instead of saying this is how it is, what about saying “what do you think?”  By inviting and being open to the other person’s point of view we show 1 – their opinion is important, and 2 – we are willing to listen.   It’s a simple adjustment that makes friends instead of enemies.

Another key ingredient is paying compliments.  I’m not talking about making up lies or being sugary.  I’m talking about recognizing a quality in another person and letting them know we are aware and appreciate it.   The message is: I see you.

Why not be supportive?  All of us deal with rejections on a daily basis. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we heard from our partners, friends and colleagues that there is something about us they truly appreciate?

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if we are right or wrong.  What matters is that we find a way to live in harmony with the people that are important to us.  It also doesn’t hurt to spread a little love by telling others how they matter to us.

Try it out.  Give up being right, pay some compliments and watch your life change .

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Lending A Hand

April 24, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

hands forming a heart

hands forming a heart

If we really want to help someone, we need to do it with compassion.  No one likes to be preached to, or feel they are being talked down.   So if we truly want to help, we put our egos aside and find a way to come from  love.

Today, when I walked into the bank two men were screaming at each other.  It turns out one of them had been rude to a teller and the other interceded.  But the way he did it was by loudly – and in front of everyone – let the rude man know how out of line he had been.  Of course the rude man responded by being even ruder and things escalated to the point that both men had to be escorted out.  The point is, if the well intentioned man really wanted to help, he should have walked to the rude man and talked to him nicely and privately.  The way it happened it seemed the well intentioned man was more interested in showing everyone how good he was.  Well, it backfired.

Giving and helping are meant to be selfless, and to be about the other person and not ourselves.  If our intention is to show how good or clever we are,  we are going to miss out on the real reward or our actions; to truly help without embarrassing, upsetting, or making the other feel guilty.

So before we jump to lend a hand, let’s ask ourselves if we really want to help or if we are just fishing for compliments.

It’s easy to make a buck.  It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.  ~Tom Brokaw

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