How To Find Your True Voice

September 26, 2011 by  
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I just came across the below post and wanted to share with you.  In the article Martha Beck talks about the inner struggle between the “social, logical, status quo” voice and the “liberating, innovative, spontaneous” voice.  We all have at least those two voices.

The first voice we ever heard is the creative and innovative voice.  That voice is uniquely ours.  It is our own way of being and interpreting the world.  Sometimes this voice jives with society and sometimes it doesn’t.  But it is uniquely ours and it doesn’t care about being accepted.  Its mission is our contentment and happiness.

The second voice – logical – we start acquiring as we grow. It is the voice we internalize from peers, teachers, parents, and relationships.  It is the voice of our society.  This voice is more concerned in fitting in and doing things by the book.  Because most people listen mostly to this kind of voice we feel the pressure to join in and in the end we feel safe.  The feeling of safety – even though when put to test proves not to be true – comes from us acting and being a member of a large group that obey and live by the same rules.

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Experiencing Life Through Other People’s Point Of View

November 25, 2010 by  
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Years ago I saw a film called The Joy Luck Club.  The film tells the story of a few women and their mothers from the mothers’ point of view.  I watched the movie alone late at night. Half way into the film, I started to sob. I was overcome by a deep sorrow of having lived so many years without ever attempting to experience my relationship with my mother from her point of view.  In my wants and desires for my life in the world, I had forgotten I was part of her. She had given me life while I wanted to live that life. Because of that experience I was able to gain a new understanding and compassion for her.

Our minds are set up in such a way that we observe and experience everything as if we are the center of the universe.  Things and people exist because of us and for us.  The result is most often conflict and judgment.

Reminding ourselves to also experience our relationships through other people’s point of view turns our own lives into more layered and rounded existences.

The everyday practice is simply to develop a complete acceptance and openness to all situations and emotions, and to all people, experiencing everything totally without mental reservations and blockages, so that one never withdraws or centralizes onto oneself Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

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Appreciating What We have

April 15, 2010 by  
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I was invited to dine yesterday with a couple from Brazil plus a few other friends.  I didn’t know the couple but knew of them. She is shorter than me, I’m 5’2″, and in her later 40s or early 50s.  He is about 5’8″ , overweight and in his early 50s.

We all started talking and eventually the subject turned to my losing my husband to cancer. The woman was moved with the way I described my relationship and the journey my husband and I took to fight for his life. Then she said that at least I had experienced true love, something she added she had never experienced.

I was taken aback by her statement being that her husband sat net to her.  Maybe they have some different type of relationship, I thought.  So I asked her how she and her husband had met.  She said it had been at a spa.  She was quick to add it had taken her a while before she agreed to go out with him because of his weight.  I again thought it was strange that she would refer to her husband as fat in front of others.  Did he not care? Finally she shared that her husband’s first wife had also died of cancer.

You might be thinking why I am sharing all this and here it is; as I continued to dine I realized the woman had a fantasy of what her partner should look and be like and her current husband did not fit that picture.  She was so conflicted by the discrepancy between her creation and her reality that she could not see she was married to a very nice man who adores her.  Her anger in feeling trapped is stopping her from fully appreciating the relationship she has.

When I woke up this morning I again thought about the couple and was saddened by how we sometimes don’t appreciate and enjoy our lives because we are so busy chasing an idea.  It was a good reminder of how important it is for us to live in the present and deal with life as is.  And that is why I’m sharing this story.

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