Thoughts On Grief

May 13, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

When my husband passed away almost two years ago, I kept trying to find meaning in the loss.  How could so much pain be for nothing?

I have since learned that is a very common reaction.  We lose so much that we want something in return; wisdom, insight, super powers, or even just a special seat in heaven.

I remember saying over and over that I was still the same person I had been before Chris got sick and the same person after he died.  But I was wrong.  I would soon learn that loss and grief have a way to bring us face to face with whom we are and life itself.  Many things change after great loses especially how we want to live our lives and what’s important.

In the article by Roshi Joan Halifax, posted on this site ( she writes:  “To deny grief is to rob ourselves of the heavy stones that will eventually be the ballast for the two great accumulations of wisdom and compassion.”

Grief is not something to be desired but if it knocks on your door, let it in, offer it a seat and make friends with it.  It is a strange friendship the one we form with grief; while it rips us apart it also builds us up in a different way.  If we let the friendship flourish from the destruction a deep sense of self will rise.

I can now tell the Deborah of years past that much does change and while I don’t know about a special seat in heaven I do know of a different seat on earth build on solid ballasts.

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare