Drop The “Should” List

May 2, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

Photo By Angie Rubin

I am thinking about how much stress and turmoil is actually self-created.  I’m specifically thinking about the terrain between that which we want and that which we think we SHOULD have.

As we go through life we start to adopt/take on a list of things that society has created as the bible to live by.  But, are these rules/concepts agreeable to all of us all the time?  No. And so conflicts are born between what we do and what we think we should do.

I have found the first line of defense in these situations is to ask ourselves what we really want out of an experience.   I ask myself again and again until I can give an honest response.  Once I know what I really want then I concentrate on that and try not to worry about the “should” yelling in my head.

I’m not saying it is easy to rise above the intense psychological conflict that ensues, but not taking it on means missing out on many opportunities that could provide us with experience and contentment.

Let me give you an example:  Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that don’t necessarily fall within the long lasting, 100% fulfilling – or close to – realm but fall within “what we need for right now”.  So, the relationship is satisfying now.  But, if we hang on to thoughts of “I shouldn’t be enjoying this because I need to be in the “right” relationship, we will miss out on satisfying needs of now.

We never know what doors we open every time we go through an experience.  Not, living them because they are not perfectly right in our own minds, keep us away from opportunities and wisdom. And lastly, who knows what the future may or may not bring.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do – Mark Twain.





Midlife Crisis Or An Opportunity For Change

March 18, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

At the end of a meeting yesterday, I stayed behind to talk to a dear friend who is in his 60s.  He wanted to tell me he was investigating new paths for his life.  He has been a successful producer, husband, and father, and was now feeling the need for a change.  He has built a life that affords him the time and finances to ponder what’s next.

As we talked, I understood he was concerned his move was to be an actual next phase and not a crisis or an end.

Read more



November 30, 2009 by  
Filed under Blog

Everybody has problems.  That is an absolute truism but somehow, sometimes we forget that.  We see someone well put together and smiling and we think that person has it all.  But if we go back to our truism, we know that just can’t be true.

Some of us choose to be exposed, to not hide our feelings from the world and actually to want to be acknowledged for our pain as if no one else is in pain.

Some of us carry our pain within and don’t want any extra attention for whatever is going on in our lives.

I’ve come to realize that bringing the whole world into my pain only results in keeping me in pain.  Living in that frame of mind keeps me and you focused on pain.  Keeps us getting attention for being in pain and not for being happy or elated.

Victimization only strengthens our slavery to pain.  Keeping pain in its own space and pushing forward offers us a possibility to move on.

I know sometimes it’s hard to see beyond the disappointment and loss but know the way out is only possible through truly believing in the possibilities of life.