Looking through Huffpost today, I found the below post. It addresses one of my favorite topics; we can’t be in a healthy relationship until we are healthy ourselves.
The author, Denise Scarbro, talks about being in needy, self-destructive relationships for a few years because she thought those individuals were coming into her life because she had the strength and knowledge to impact their lives in a positive way. Eventually, she came to understand the reason why they were in her life was because of the way she felt inside – needy and off-focus.
There is nothing new about what I’m saying and what she’s saying, but somehow the very clear statement: “we attract into our lives people and situations that reflect the way we feel inside” needs to be thought about and constantly repeated so we don’t forget its wisdom.
If we feel content and at peace with who we are we would never consider anything beyond a hello – and only to be polite – to someone who is not well with themselves. It’s not that we would have to think about the situation. Instinctively we would know that person would not be a good addition to our lives and we would step aside instead of inviting them in.
I’m not talking about being perfect or only letting perfect people in simply because there is no such thing as perfection. But, I am talking about people that have a level of understanding and appreciation of themselves that enables them to have honest and positive relationships.
So, if you find yourself always surrounded by others that obsessively need you or live in an eternal state of drama, ask yourself how they are reflecting YOU. It may be time to pull the outside plug stimulus and concentrate in improving the relationship with the inner-self.
Please read on…
The Trick to Attracting Healthy Relationships
By Denise Scarbro
Have you ever felt like you always attract a certain type of person? I know I have! The same kinds of people seem to present themselves to me all the time. They may have different faces and different names, but in the end the same themes are always there. Not too long ago, I kept finding myself with an emotionally unavailable boyfriend; misunderstood people gravitated to me; needy people always wanted to be my friend; and if there was ever an underdog, we inevitably somehow teamed up. I found myself thinking, “What am I putting out there to attract these people to me?” …Continued
Below is Huffington Post I really enjoyed by Scott Schwenk that I wanted to share with you.
I don’t know about administering healing or the “Course in Miracles” but I do know about not being swept away by emotions. I also know about not reacting to everything that happens. Scott discusses a personal situation where he was able to stay centered and therefore not add anger and anxiety to an already complex situation.
This is a way of being that I have been able to master yet. I still from time to time get carried away in the chaos. But, I do know focusing on what is good and being able to recognize our humanity is the path. As I often say we are all our own master pieces in the making. See the good and have compassion for yourself and others.
“Some pursue happiness, others create it.”
How freeing it is when we can live our lives without needing other people’s approval.
Sometimes we arrive to this mind set through age or loss, but those do not have to be the only two ways.
At any point, we can decide that only we fully know who we are and where we want to go. We can believe in our goals and not be side-tracked by situations and comments that only serve to distract us from our own paths.
We can have freedom of being by believing and committing to our own lives without needing anybody else’ blessing or permission.
I usually check out the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com) in the morning. I like some of their political posts as well as their living posts. I’m also loyal to the Huffington Post because I am one of their regular bloggers.
In today’s Living section I saw a headline that caught my attention; “Are You Addicted To Drama? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tom-ferry/self-help-are-you-addicte_b_623182.html ” posted by Tom Ferry. I started reading it right away because I have not only been addicted to drama in the past but I have also had many people in my life suffering from the same condition.
While I agree with some of Tom’s statements such as: “how you feel determines your attitude. Your attitude then determines your actions, which ultimately determines the outcome”, and “Why are most people comfortable in this place of conflict? There’s a perceived benefit to being dramatic. We get attention. Our needs are being met because we are connecting with others” the accusatory and blaze tone he chose to use is in my opinion a reflection of his lack of understanding of why people create drama in their lives.
People create drama in their lives because:
How many times have we stopped ourselves from saying or doing things we wanted to because we were afraid of being judged or afraid we would be exposed?
Our egos are so frail that we can’t take rejection or judgment and we end up missing out on experiences.
When I was younger I was very impulsive. Whatever got into my head I did without any consideration for consequences. Needless to say I got myself in a lot of trouble. When I got a little older, I started doing some crazy stuff because of my need to create drama in my life. Drama kept me from taking responsibility and from finding out who I really was. Eventually I got tired of all the drama and asked myself the questions; Who am I? And what do I really want? Those questions take a long time to answer but they are really worth getting plus the process gets us to be in touch with ourselves.
I am now at a point that I no longer need to be impulsive or to create drama. I can ponder situations and make decisions. I can also expose myself and say what I want without feeling naked because my ego is stronger. I have accepted not being perfect and I have understood I am not in competition with anybody else.
I cherish who I am and my path. I am energized about the possibilities. The world feels safer and the most exciting is that I no longer need to miss out on possibilities life offers me. There is nothing to hide. I am what I am.