Walking down the street yesterday, I was thinking about how hard it is to simply do what we want or think to be right without having any expectations. The reason being is we are always concerned about how others will see us and/or we are living by societal “shoulds” we have adopted as our personal mantras along our life paths.
But, to find and act according to our own truths, means to have complete freedom and a much better chance for contentment.
This concept of personal freedom translates into our lives as: I’m going to live this moment to its fullest because I’m happy now. What will take place tomorrow is not as important. What other people are thinking or experiencing is also not as important.
This is not about acting out. It is not about being selfish or hurting others – those would actually be results of a lack of a true relationship with the self.
Living truthfully and in the moment means to have an intimate relationship with the self where our feelings are not dependent on others to have the right to exist. This state of being occurs when our egos are no longer so frail that we feel threatened or hurt by responses and reactions different from our own.
When we are constantly waiting to see how others feel or where the future will lead, we are never in our own present or in our own truths. How we feel about something or someone is independent of how they feel about us or how things will turn out.
Having the courage to be means we have finally switched from living a life of reaction to living a life of action. We act based on how we feel not on how others feel.
Imagine for a moment having the ability to honestly express yourself without expecting any specific response. Wouldn’t that feel light? Wouldn’t that feel like opening many doors?
I believe, living our truths, allows us to stop wasting time and energy on things we have no control over such as other people’s thoughts and feelings.
Start your journey by spending time with yourself. Create a trusting relationship then ask yourself how you really feel and act accordingly.
Interesting post – pasted below – by Russell Bishop from today’s Huffington Post. In it Russell discusses the difference between courage and self-righteousness.
I must confess I know a thing or two about being self-righteous. I have spent a lifetime standing on a soapbox telling others what is wrong with them and the world. Now, there isn’t really anything wrong in sometimes pointing to others different ways of being and living. What was wrong – at least with me – was the motivation. I wasn’t being courageous in putting myself out there to point to the truth. I was just being self-righteous. I wanted others to know how smart and intuitive I was. Because of that motivation, my actions weren’t deeply rooted and could be knocked out easily. It also didn’t produce the satisfaction I was looking for.
Real courage is based on inner-knowledge and thus wise and deep. Real courage is brave without having to call upon the whole world to see it is taking place. Real courage happens because it must.
Noise due to self-righteousness is frail and is a reflection of an ego in need of pampering. It might feel good for a minute or two, but it will soon crumble.
So, next time you feel motivated to speak-up or stand on a soapbox, ask yourself what your true motivation is. Go deeper than the ego chatter to find out what the self really wants. By doing that you will be in harmony and coherent with inner-self; a goal worth standing on a soapbox for.
Please read on.
Soul-Talk: Are You Courageous or Just Self-Righteous?
By Russell Bishop
What’s the difference between true courage and the sometimes foolish or insensitive dogged determination that runs roughshod over other people in the name of some sacrosanct goal?
True courage takes many forms, few of them characterized by bravado and none of them insensitive or unkind…Continued
Why is it so important to have a strong ego? Or better yet what is a strong ego?
If we depend on others to validate who we are or our importance we simply give our power away.
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where others don’t care about us or see us in our best light. It is hard to navigate these waters if we don’t have a good sense of self.
Being secured in who we are allows us to survive and often thrive in adverse situations because we don’t depend on others to have a sense of worth.
These dynamics happen often in business situations where people with weak ego fight to assert their power. These type of individuals feel more secure by oppressing or minimizing others. Although not a lasting tactic, it does provide temporary release and so it is often a chosen method of dealing with others.
So often we get wrap up in our righteousness that our own true feelings are obscure to us. Thoughts of a bruised pride get intensified. We judge others while imbuing our ego with energy. In the end such feelings and attitudes lead to misunderstandings and battered relationships.
But what if rather than jumping on our high horse we gave ourselves time to look past what seems to be obvious to us to actually see the truth? What if we didn’t pay attention to the histrionics and actually looked with our hearts at the pain in others? Maybe we would be able not to be sidetracked by attitudes that don’t really matter and would instead connect in a loving way.
As each one of us move forward on our own journey of self-discovery and wisdom, connecting with others in a real way becomes more important. Our ego learns to step aside to let us try to go to the essence of another and when we fail to do that, we hurt.
It doesn’t matter what our pride says. The truth is for us to live in harmony we must live in consciousness.
The below posted article poses an interesting exercise; how would you relate to others if it was the last time you were seeing them?
I bet most if not all troubles and animosity would fall off because in the end what matters is our humanity and the love we have for one another. If we agree that is the truth then we must practice it.
Lessons in Humanity From My Barista
By Roger Housden
The first person I normally greet in the morning is Diego. Today, I look at him with eyes whose vision has been altered by reading the opening lines of a poem by Ellen Bass called “If You Knew”:
What if you knew you’d be the last to touch someone?… Continued
There comes a time we understand that our life is our own journey. That is when the approval of others is no longer what drives our every day. And that is when we come to know we no longer have anything to prove. What we have and know is our own existence. And that is what matters.
When we get to that point, when ego is no longer trying to explain and justify, there is a great rush of freedom. From that moment on we give ourselves permission to move full ahead in our own lives without having to stop and please.
We no longer give our ego attention when it’s screaming in our ears to prove we are worthy. It no longer matters because we know the truth. Our lives are about experience and wisdom. The way life happens and we behave and exist, it only matters to us.
I often hear such freedom comes with age. But I hope that isn’t right. I hope any adult can have the ability to understand we don’t live our lives to fulfill other people’s ideas or expectations of us. Spending time showing and proving to others we are right or worthy or conforming to some social expectation, leads nowhere because they are other people’s ideas and needs.
Our energies should always be directed at living our lives according to our own truths. From experience to experience using gained wisdom as our conduit, that is a life well lived.
Living to get approvals only gets us stuck in our ego’s jail. “I need to show I’m right.” “I need to show I’m worthy.” “I need to show.”
Showing matters none. Being matters all.
Wherever you are in your journey, concentrate your attention to self-reflection. Defending your ego is not that important. Let others think what they want. Concentrate in what you think. Concentrate in where you want to go. That’s your journey. Your truth.
We all see the world and process information in different ways. And although there is no right and wrong way, most of us believe we are right. That feeling of being right comes from not seeing how anyone else could interpret ideas and occurrences in different ways than us. That’s ego speak. Because if you stop for a moment you will know that each individual with their own set of experiences and qualities will experience life in a different way.
So what do we do to deal with these differences?
Learning to let go can be a life-long process, but if we are striving for a well-balanced life, it is a skill we must acquire.
We are bombarded on a daily basis by situations and people that we feel frustrate or mistreat us. Of course we all also have the devastating loses when we have to experience living without a loved one. But I’m not going to be talking about that “letting go”.
I want to talk about the letting go of the small stuff because that is what on a daily basis wears us out.
Can you truly answer “Who am I?” and “What do I want?” Or are the answers to these questions wrapped up in a self that is the result of a persona we have taken on?
To honestly answer these questions we first have to practice self-acceptance. We have to journey within and get to know our unique essence which is above and beyond our name, history, failures and successes.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned – Buddha
Being angry is all consuming. It gets your adrenaline pumping and it consumes your energy. You feel like you can’t do anything else except burn through it. I know I’ve been there many a times.
When our ego is strong and healthy we are no longer vulnerable to other people’s agendas. We realize that judging other’s worth by such measures as youth, physical appearance, success, money or power is just plain silly.
We know a person’s worth and their journey are complex. It is the sum of our past, present and future. And it is our dignity, kindness, strength of character put into practice.