Living A Life Of Love

March 29, 2012 by  
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What a great article by Deepak Chopra (see below).

In it he discusses at length love as a state of being and not a feeling that we can fall into and out of.

I have many times written about taking a journey within as if we were courting someone we were interested in.  We take steps to get to know the person.  We listen to them and we plan to do things that will make them smile.  And so is the same as we journey within.  We get to know ourselves, we make time to listen to our hearts and we do things that bring us pleasure. And in the end we create a strong love bond with our own selves.

It is only from that place that we can truly love others.  Because when we love ourselves, we don’t need others to fill a void inside.  It is actually the contrary.  We need others so we can share that which we already have.  That is the nature of love; sharing.

If we don’t live in love then having someone come into our lives is a cause of happiness and of disaster.  Happiness when the person comes into our lives and disaster as they depart because with them they take away our feeling of wellness. Even as those feelings were always temporary as they were not created within.  If we lived in love we would become sad when a relationship ended, but never lose sight of ourselves or lose love in our lives.

Living in love turns the experience of life into a compassionate and exciting journey.

Please read on…

The 5-Step Path to a Life of Love

By Deepak Chopra

Deepak Chopra, co-founder of the Chopra Foundation and co-author of War of the Worldviews: Science vs. Spirituality, reveals how to create a life founded on the world’s most generous and joyful emotion.

Love has arrived at a strange crossroads. It seems very odd to say, “I want to be more loving. Is there a scientist who can help with that?” But in modern life, our notion of love has shifted. More and more we are told—in magazines, learned journals and media reports—that love can be broken down into medical explanations, that it is produced by reactions in the brain, both chemical and electrical…Continued

 

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Everybody Is Looking For Love. Or Are We?

January 19, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

If you ask anyone the answer will be yes.  We say we want to feel loved and to love.  But the truth is while we do want love we raise so many obstacles that love would have to be a champion jumper to get over all the walls we have built.

In today’s world of online dating going out with the opposite sex (or the same sex) is not a problem. Put up a picture then write a few things about yourself and you are good to go.

On the outside, online dating has facilitated meeting others – something that gets progressively harder as you get older –but it also creates an environment where people come in with laundry lists of what they don’t want and an attitude of “next”.

What is the attitude of “next”?  As a first impression you are not exactly what I think I’m looking for, so next.   Next because just in my geographic area there is thousands of other people eager to meet someone else.  Basically the attitude of “next” has turned us into kids in a candy store.

If you are looking to fall in love that will require a combination of two things: physical attraction and getting to know someone else.  Do we want the same things out of life? Can we be true friends?  Do we respect each other? Do we admire each other? These are questions that can only be answered with time.

As far as the long list of things you don’t want, my suggestion is to exchange those for the things you do want.

So next time you go on a date, try to go without any expectations.  See the other person without comparing them to your fantasy.  Maybe they will surprise you.  If you do seem to have a few things in common, give them a second chance. They might surprise you.  And mostly take your walls down.  If you really want to fall in love, you must be willing to show and share your heart.   Without that there is no falling in love.

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The Problem Of Falling In Love With My Son

August 18, 2009 by  
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The Problem of Falling In Love With My Son

(Or “How I Fell In Love With my Son”)

By Jorge Aguirre

Don’t take this the wrong way, hijito, but when I first met you — freshly thrust upon this world with your frightening cone-shaped head and wrinkly little body — I didn’t love you.

I suspected I’d eventually fall for you, but at that moment in the delivery room, looking down at the exhausted mess of your mother, the pain and drama you had just wrought upon us (mostly her), frankly I wasn’t sure what to think.

It’s a human compulsion to want to fix that which is broken.  Babies are broken.  You nap them, feed them, clothe them, bath them, and the problems go away.  For five minutes, tops.  Then the cycle of problems begins again.  It’s ruthless. 

And that’s a problem. 

Yet, there’s nothing one can do to fix the misery of those first few weeks of parenthood.  It’s a revelation when one realizes the capacity of the human condition to endure misery.  You don’t adapt.  You endure.

Once I accepted that I could not completely solve you.  Once I learned that my imperfect world would be even more imperfect after your arrival, I began to fall for you.  It helped that I figured out how to make you nap — it was a brief, but lovely, reprieve from your excruciating cries.

In those first few days after I met you, once I learned to give in to the unsolvable, that’s when I found myself looking down at your sleeping self and saying, “Yo soy tu papa.”  And boy did I fall hard for you.  Boy, did I ever.  

 Jorge Aguirre is a writer, producer and director.  Among his writting credits is the Nickelodeon series “Go, Diego! Go!

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Why Do We Fall In Love?

August 2, 2009 by  
Filed under Featured

By Amy Bowles Reyer, Ph.D

Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. So why do people fall in love? Professor Arthur Aron from State University of New York at Stonybrook has been exploring the dynamics of what happens when two people are falling in love:

Q:   What motivates people to seek out love?

A:   Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in our relationships.


Q:   How does this theory of self-expansion explain the process of falling in love?

A:   Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity – when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!


Q:   Does it always work this way?

A:   No, an interesting exception to this occurs if we feel badly about ourselves. The process gets thrown off if we can’t believe that another persons finds us attractive – like the Groucho Marx joke where we don’t want to belong to a club that would have us for a member. We tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love if we don’t feel good about ourselves.


Q:   What conditions are best for meeting someone and falling in love?

A:   When you meet someone under conditions that are highly arousing – a political demonstration, turbulence on a plane, a stimulating performance – a time when the body is stirred up and excited, we tend to experience attraction at a heightened level. This effect is well documented but the explanations for it are very controversial. I tend to believe that we come to associate the arousal of the situation with this person and our own self-expansion.


Q:   When do we fall in love?

A:   Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. People only report falling in love quickly about 1/3 to 40 percent of the time. Of course, this varies from culture to culture. Falling in love happens differently between cultures but it does occur in most cultures.


Q:   How does our appearance factor into the equation of falling in love?

A:   This is interesting; we have found that if you are very unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn’t help that much.


Q:   How do you explain that?

A:   We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

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