Are You Living In Fear?

June 21, 2011 by  
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Much has happened lately that has kept me away from writing my blogs.  A couple of weeks ago my 86 year old dad contracted a very serious pneumonia.  It was touch and go there for a while.  It was stressful, painful and transformative.

First, let me just say that as of a couple of days ago, he is stable.  Yesterday he sat up for the first time in three weeks and today he has made his first sounds.

While at his age, contemplating the end of a relationship is not out of the ordinary, when the situation does present itself it brings about much fear, acceptance and contemplation.

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Finding Calm In Chaos

June 14, 2011 by  
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There is much to be learned in the time of crisis.  What is important and what isn’t.  What we can do with and what we can co without.  Finding serenity in chaos. Finding love for others and oneself.

My dad has been in the ICU for the past two weeks.  While he’s doing a little bit better, the outcome is still uncertain.

But wait only a couple of weeks ago I was reflecting in what a good time this is for me personally and professionally.  After mourning the passing of my husband for the past two and a half years, I have now started to feel strong and happiness has come back to grace my heart. And professionally, this too is a good time.

When my dad first got sick, I got angry.  Why now? Haven’t I gone through enough? Why now that I’m feeling my life is finally moving forward? I had thoughts like: “All I want is to be left alone and quiet for a little while and just live my life.”

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The Different Kinds Of Love

June 6, 2011 by  
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Wow.  So much has happened in the last few days. Bear with me for a moment while I make my way to the point I want to make.

Last Tuesday my dad – who is 86 years old and lives in Brazil – was rushed to the hospital with a bad cough.  While most of us would wait out a bad cough before flying to the hospital, my dad has 16 stents, a pacemaker, and has had a triple bypass.  He might actually be the man with the most number of stents of any heart in the world.  So a heavy cough puts a lot of strain in his heart.

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Double Jeopardy

July 22, 2009 by  
Filed under Uncategorized

Earlier today I was talking with my daughter and told her about a movie that I had seen several times.  To my amazement she, too, loved and watched the film more times than she could recall. “Double Jeopardy”, starring Ashley Judd and Tommy Lee Jones it’s quite entertaining, but nowhere near a recommendation as one of my all time faves.

For those of you who have not seen the aforementioned, it’s summarily about a woman who gets falsely accused of murdering her husband, who later is revealed to still be alive … with another woman the child of his first wife.  The erroneously sentenced mother goes to prison and is released after six years, determined to reveal the untruths that have turned her life upside down while vowing to find her son.  I won’t disclose the ending, but there was one moment that had me studying the movie as though I was Roger Ebert .

While imprisoned, one of the inmates assured the falsely accused that no matter when or where she would locate her son, he would know her. It was explained to the pensive mom how the other prisoner could be so sure.  She simply explained that children essentially always remember the sounds and touches of those that birthed or raised them no matter how young they were when separated from the adults.  

This scenario was particularly interesting to me as didn’t know that my daughter was my daughter until several years after she was born.   Quite honestly, it was a joyous as well awkward time in my life … and hers as well.  We both discovered that having not had that initial interaction created a few stumbling blocks along the way.  I found myself attempting to recapture something that I didn’t have in the beginning.  Those early recollections of my turn to change diapers or well intended refrains of “Rock-a-bye Baby” were not mine to have.

I quickly realized that good parenting doesn’t come in an easy-to -swallow capsule and the next day you get voted Dad of the Year.  It takes even more time, more experience and all the love that you had back then plus all that you can muster presently.

Through some universal phenomenon, the love, whether to lift your baby’s feet to put her bootees on or to help her put her backpack on, manifests itself …  no matter at what stage of life it happens.  

For me ….and my daughter,  ”Double Jeopardy” could have been entitled “Second Chance”.

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