Give Up On Being Right And Be Happy

March 11, 2012 by  
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One key ingredient to any successful relationship is giving up on being right.  That goes for any type of relationship.

If two friends have different points of view, fighting to prove that one is right and the other is wrong is a recipe for disaster.

If co-workers have different ways to go about a solution, fighting to prove one way is better than the other, is the quickest way to discord and most likely failure.

The point is: it never matters who is right.  What matters is to be able to do what’s needed in co-operation and that only can happen if both parties can get their ego out of the way and tend to the task at hand.

Relationship intelligence teaches us to realize – before too late – that we are headed to a confrontation if we don’t approach a subject humbly.  What I mean is; instead of saying this is how it is, what about saying “what do you think?”  By inviting and being open to the other person’s point of view we show 1 – their opinion is important, and 2 – we are willing to listen.   It’s a simple adjustment that makes friends instead of enemies.

Another key ingredient is paying compliments.  I’m not talking about making up lies or being sugary.  I’m talking about recognizing a quality in another person and letting them know we are aware and appreciate it.   The message is: I see you.

Why not be supportive?  All of us deal with rejections on a daily basis. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we heard from our partners, friends and colleagues that there is something about us they truly appreciate?

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if we are right or wrong.  What matters is that we find a way to live in harmony with the people that are important to us.  It also doesn’t hurt to spread a little love by telling others how they matter to us.

Try it out.  Give up being right, pay some compliments and watch your life change .

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Here’s To A New Era Of Being And Living

March 1, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

Angie Rubin Photo

James Hillman — psychologist, scholar, culture critic, and author of more than 20 books, including the bestselling “The Soul’s Code” — is one of the modern era’s most original thinkers on the human and collective psyche.

On an interview by Pythia  Peay posted on the Huffington Post a couple of days ago, Hillman discusses a new era of being and living that is bubbling underneath the old and failed post-modern models.

Living in America we get to experience the extreme of some of these crumpling structures; capitalism and the end of this country’s notion of exceptionalism.

There is no doubt the world as we know it has come to an end a new model will emerge.  What is different about this new model is that it will challenge us to live life as a circular experience not as a staircase model – inflexible hierarchy.

How does that impact us at an individual level?  Absolute truths are being challenged such as: If you are rich you are happy.  Power brings sense of worth.  Freedom means only the ability to say and go anywhere I want.

If you are reading this, is because you too are in search of a new way of being.  You have tried making the money, being powerful, exercising your strength over others, and failing with each attempt to truly find meaning and freedom.

I recently saw a live performance written and directed by Moisés Kaufman – 33 Variations – where the character played by Jane Fonda is suffering from Lou Gehrig.  Towards the end she says there is great freedom in the loss of hope.  That statement really stayed with me.  While it sounds like a downer at first sight if you delve into the deeper meaning you will find truth; the freedom that comes with turning our attention to the world within.   Like a tree finding truth in the roots and not in the branches.

Please read on…

Now approaching his 85th birthday, I spoke with Hillman as he was recuperating from two years of illness. “It’s a new life,” he told me. “A lot of reflection instead of ambition.” The American psyche has always stoked Hillman’s reflections; the following is the second half of an edited version of our conversation on the current zeitgeist.

Pythia: In our initial conversation you said that America today has a certain “tragic aspect.” Can you say more about that?…Continued

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What’s The Secret To Happiness

August 18, 2010 by  
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New Thoughts On How To Be Happy

August 16, 2010 by  
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I have just read two articles of note.  One published in the New York Times “But Will It Make You Happy”  the other on CNN “Homesickness Isn’t Really About Home”.

The reason why I’m bringing up both articles is because they both – for different reasons – relate happiness to relationship.

The NYT article discusses the new trends in consumers, due to the economic downturn, which is actually creating a higher level of happiness.  Instead of spending money on “things” consumers are spending money on experiences.

” New studies of consumption and happiness show, for instance, that people are happier when they spend money on experiences instead of material objects, when they relish what they plan to buy long before they buy it, and when they stop trying to outdo the Joneses.” – NYT

Read more

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Video Blog – 5

August 3, 2010 by  
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You want to have a more fulfilling life, have it. It all starts by deciding to do so.

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Five Steps To A Happier Life

May 19, 2010 by  
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Human Hearts

Human Hearts

Nobody can guarantee or be guaranteed happiness forever but there are a few things that we can do every day that will help us have more satisfaction and a better outlook in life.

Below are some ideas in how to live a happier life.

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so – William Shakespeare

  1. Be a Part of Something You Believe In – It can be any type of organization that supports a social cause. This activity will act as an anchor by giving meaning to your life no matter what else is going on.  Helping others or doing something for the environment gets us out of our heads and gives us a feeling of accomplishment. It will also get you involved with others and give you responsibilities.
  2. Share Time with Friends and Family – This one seems obvious but so many of us get so involved with work that we forget that friends and family feed our hearts. Feeling loved and belonging to a group gives us the inner strength to go out into the world.
  3. Reflect on the Good – Quite often people concentrate too much of their attention on negative outcomes and leave no time to reflect on their successes.  It’s natural for a person to want to correct undesirable circumstances and focus closely on doing so, but there must be a healthy balance in the allocation of personal awareness.  It is important to mindfully reflect on the good while striving diligently to correct the bad.  A continuous general awareness of your daily successes can have a noticeably positive affect on your overall emotional happiness.
  4. Be Honest – Being truthful without being hurtful is key to our well being.  Lying to ourselves and others create an environment of negativity.  Always tie loose ends and try to leave things on a good note so you can move on without having emotional strings attached.
  5. Slow Down And Enjoy The Simple Pleasures – We are always in such a hurry that we never get to appreciate all the gifts that are given to us on a daily basis.  A tender moment, a beautiful sunset, laughter, a pleasant smell, these are things that enrich our lives and give us pleasure.  But if we are always running we don’t see any of it.  Small things, such a nice meal with a loved one, has the ability to give us true fulfillment.

Really give it a try to these five life altering suggestions.  You’ll see how much more you’ll be able to get out of life.

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Video Blog 5 – Making The Decision To Have A Happier Life

April 12, 2010 by  
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Having a more satisfying life starts with the making the decision of being happier today.

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Video Blog 4 – Feeling Happy

April 5, 2010 by  
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The Truth About Happiness

March 31, 2010 by  
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The feeling of being happy is the ultimate human quest but what does it really mean to be happy?

According to Michael J. Fox,“Your happiness grows in direct proportion to your acceptance, and in inverse proportion to your expectations.”  Now according to Eric Weiner, author of The Geography of Bliss: One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World, “the source of our unhappiness is expectations. Greed fulfilled makes us ‘happy’ for awhile, but when our expectations are no longer met, we’re miserable.”  And finally the Merriam-Webster Dictionary says that happiness is a state of well-being and contentment.

When I’m feeling blue I ask myself “if this or that happened would I feel happy?”  When I think about the answer and imagine my life with this or that happening, the answer is almost always “no”.  The knot is coming from some place else and it is then I realize happiness is independent of this and that.  Happiness is how we feel inside our minds and hearts.  So the good news is that while this can be complicated, because it does not have a quick fix, it is 100% dependent on us.  We have within us everything we need to reach a more fulfilling life or as the dictionary says; a state of well-being.

If you don’t believe what I’m saying ask yourself if by meeting he or she the loneliness and depression you sometimes feel would go away completely.  Close your eyes and really give yourself a few minutes to day dream.  I know my answer is: meeting him (in my case) would be lovely but that which sometimes grabs my insides would still be there.

What about earning lots of money? Would that make us happy? Yes and no.  Money can make things easier and more exciting but the knot would still remain once the novelty subsided.

I am not advocating for celibacy and poverty but I’m suggesting we should also peel the layers of the onion. Learning about ourselves and becoming our own best friends help us understand why the knots are there. And once we know, when he or she arrives, or the job, or the money, we can embrace these gifts with delirious gusto.

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