Life Is A Roller Coaster

November 9, 2010 by  
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A friend of mine sent me the below post  “Roller Coaster” by Rabbi Brian.  I wanted to share it with you for two reasons: 1 – It’s a good post, 2 – It comes from someone whose profession is to give answers to tough questions.

I respect Rabbi Brian’s honesty in saying some times life is tough.  It is refreshing when people have the courage to share their feelings even if they are risking turning people off. Here’s someone whose job is to comfort, advice and guide. But in order to truly perform his job, he needs to be honest.

We live in a world where we are taught the only answer to “how are you?” Is “well, thank you.”  We know sometimes we tell others we’re well but we absolutely believe others when they say they are doing great and their life is perfect.  The result of these false exchanges is that we wonder if there is something wrong with us.   After all everyone else seems to be doing just fine.

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Video Blog – 1

August 2, 2010 by  
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Why I started the Love Project Inc.

This work came out of my need to relate with others who are on a path to truly be who they are and who have the courage to look within and connect with love for themselves and others. It is my hope to form a strong community of people who seek out true contentment.

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Learning To Set Limits (2)

June 9, 2010 by  
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featured_1Yesterday, I wrote about setting limits, which is what I’m working on now.  I decided to write about it again today because setting limits with people can be life altering.  It is that important.

I am standing on the edge of a big change and honestly, I’m scared.  I see the big picture, I know it must be done, but being and acting differently brings up a lifetime of habitual behavior based on ancient feelings about myself.

I know what I need to say to this man must be said and I know I will do it.  The reasons I’m writing about setting limits again is: 1 – It’s very much on my mind, 2 – I process things by talking or writing about them 3 – I want to share the fear so if anyone out there can identify with this issue or is going through something similar right now, we can do this together 4 – Show others that fear and uneasiness are part of change.

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Five Steps To A Happier Life

May 19, 2010 by  
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Human Hearts

Human Hearts

Nobody can guarantee or be guaranteed happiness forever but there are a few things that we can do every day that will help us have more satisfaction and a better outlook in life.

Below are some ideas in how to live a happier life.

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so – William Shakespeare

  1. Be a Part of Something You Believe In – It can be any type of organization that supports a social cause. This activity will act as an anchor by giving meaning to your life no matter what else is going on.  Helping others or doing something for the environment gets us out of our heads and gives us a feeling of accomplishment. It will also get you involved with others and give you responsibilities.
  2. Share Time with Friends and Family – This one seems obvious but so many of us get so involved with work that we forget that friends and family feed our hearts. Feeling loved and belonging to a group gives us the inner strength to go out into the world.
  3. Reflect on the Good – Quite often people concentrate too much of their attention on negative outcomes and leave no time to reflect on their successes.  It’s natural for a person to want to correct undesirable circumstances and focus closely on doing so, but there must be a healthy balance in the allocation of personal awareness.  It is important to mindfully reflect on the good while striving diligently to correct the bad.  A continuous general awareness of your daily successes can have a noticeably positive affect on your overall emotional happiness.
  4. Be Honest – Being truthful without being hurtful is key to our well being.  Lying to ourselves and others create an environment of negativity.  Always tie loose ends and try to leave things on a good note so you can move on without having emotional strings attached.
  5. Slow Down And Enjoy The Simple Pleasures – We are always in such a hurry that we never get to appreciate all the gifts that are given to us on a daily basis.  A tender moment, a beautiful sunset, laughter, a pleasant smell, these are things that enrich our lives and give us pleasure.  But if we are always running we don’t see any of it.  Small things, such a nice meal with a loved one, has the ability to give us true fulfillment.

Really give it a try to these five life altering suggestions.  You’ll see how much more you’ll be able to get out of life.

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Honesty; A Path To Freedom

April 12, 2010 by  
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We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.  But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.  ~Tad Williams

Honesty is our greatest liberator.  I’m not so much referring to giving the right change type of honesty, although that is important, but the honesty to be who we truly are.  When we can embrace all parts of ourselves and our actions, we are free.  When we can embrace what we are proud of about ourselves and with the same enthusiasm what we are not so proud of, we are free.

As we try to hide from others the parts of ourselves we don’t appreciate, we are denying ourselves of our humanity.  As humans we are not “perfect” and changing our “imperfections” can only come from acknowledging them.

When we know who we are there is no shame.

Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.  ~Thomas Jefferson

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What Writing Means To Me

December 11, 2009 by  
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Meaningful writing comes from experience.  Not necessarily writing experience – although it doesn’t hurt to write often – but from life experience; to have lived enough to have something to say and to have enough humility to be honest and to want to share.

I have never written as much as I have been writing since a great loss in my life.  I now, more than ever before, feel compelled to share my own transformation.  To me what is the point of living, experiencing life if not to share with others?

There is the thinking that to be a great artist one needs to go through a lot of pain and stay in it.  I don’t agree with the quick sand thinking but instead believe in embracing life with all its experiences.  One doesn’t need to be stuck in pain to know it.

I don’t consider myself a good writer in the traditional sense of beautifully orchestrated phrases but I do consider myself an honest writer.  I am willing to share.  When I was younger I wanted to share because I was an exhibitionist (my life has never been subdue), now I want to share to give meaning to my own life.

I have no idea why every one of us at one time or another experiences loss.  I have no idea if there is a purpose to human life beyond its short existence.  I find solace in sharing, in writing, so maybe you and I can walk together and know we are part of a community;  the human community.

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Honesty, A Path To Freedom

September 16, 2009 by  
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Honesty is speaking truth and creating trust in minds of others. – Wikipedia

I would also add that honesty is a way of life.  I’m not talking about giving money back when someone gives us the wrong change or returning a wallet we found on a sidewalk -although these are honorable actions – I’m talking about the honesty of exposing our humanity; showing and sharing our mistakes and fears as well as our good qualities. 

Being honest has become really hard because the world we live in does not want truth.  Our reality is full of illusions.  The representations of peoples’ lives we most see in the media are of beauty and richness.  Even the ugly affairs are portrayed with a certain pizzazz, so no wonder we the more common folks feel the pressure to also pretend.

We all live in fear that if others knew the truth about us that we would be looked down on.  So we hide that we have been dumped, or don’t have enough money, made a mistake, had a bad thought, or even had plastic surgery to look younger or better.  We even lie about our ages.

All of this pretend causes us a lot of anxiety because by hiding the truth from others we acknowledge to ourselves that there is something wrong with us.  The result being that we end up with no one to truly share our lives with and we become very lonely people.

I was once loved and fully accepted as I am.  That was the biggest gift ever given to me.  This acceptance gave me the self assurance to go out into the world as I am as well as a whole other way to live my life. That’s what love and honesty can do; give us the self assurance to be who we are. That’s a huge concept and one worth pursuing.

If we stop having to waste time making up excuses or hiding that which we think is not attractive and we start sharing our shortcomings, we create space for ourselves and others to have truthful and trusting relationships. 

Honesty brings compassion and so we start seeing each other and ourselves for who we really are; imperfect beings searching for happiness.

I know for myself that the more honesty I bring into my life the more freedom follows.  And isn’t that what we all want, freedom?

It takes strength to be vulnerable but at least to me that is the only path to be taken. 

We, as a society, have experimented with all types of excesses and somehow that hole within each one of us stays empty.  I think the only way to fill the hole is by relating in honesty and embracing our humanity. 

All of us, the rich, the poor, the powerful, the young, the old and the weak want the same thing: to be loved and to belong.  And on the day we get to say goodbye to this life, I believe all the differences and pretending we played out in our lives will be seen for what they really are, distractions.

What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own.“  – Goethe

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Being Honest

September 10, 2009 by  
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I have been receiving a lot of emails from people saying how much they admire my courage in sharing my feelings with the world. That always makes me smile and think; how else could I write about things that are important to me and hopefully to others if not by being completely open about how I feel?

The Love Project Inc. was born out of a need to really share in honesty my experience as human.  I would be doing a disservice to me and others if I didn’t show myself as I truly am and if I didn’t encourage others to do the same. 

I also have to say that there is great freedom and strength in honesty.  By being honest and exposing our humanity we get to show and share our mistakes, fears as well as our good qualities.  We don’t need to waste time making up excuses or hiding that which we think is not attractive.  And we don’t have to lie to ourselves or others because we are putting it all on the table.

When I was growing up my mom used to scold me for telling everyone everything about myself.  And as a child I would tell her that if I told everything than no one could ever hold anything over me.  No secrets. 

The other amazing thing that happens when we share our shortcomings is that we make room for the other person – who we are relating to – to act in the same fashion and then all of a sudden we can build a truthful trusting relationship. 

If we have to hide and to lie we end up with no one to share our lives with and we become very lonely people.

Honesty brings compassion. We start seeing each other and ourselves for who we really are; imperfect beings searching for happiness.

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I Feel Nasty

August 22, 2009 by  
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I live in Los Angeles, the car capital of the country where we worship our cars.  Some of us have no money for anything but we have our shinning cars.  As we drive by each other in our shiny cars we have no idea of the dramas playing out in each one of the cars we pass by.

Last night, for some reason, before going out to meet a friend I decided to pull out my unused make up kits. Without really knowing what I was doing, even though I’m way past the age of not knowing what to do, I started putting dark colors around my eyes.  I was going for a mysterious, dangerous look but mostly ended up with black all over my face and sink. 

After cleaning my face and succeeding at keep the eye shadow mostly around my eyes, I put on my long earrings and I looked in the mirror and felt hot and I felt sexy and I felt nasty. 

And I thought back to the time before I had met Chris, to the time I was afraid of my own feelings and thoughts to the time my womanhood my sexuality got me in trouble and often made me feel guilty.  And I thought about the friendships I left behind so I could leave the troubles there as well.

And I drove to pick up a girlfriend and as she got in the car I told her that I was going to be kissing a man that night.  She offered me a dollar but I said she should do better than that, at least a twenty.  And as I said those words I realized I wasn’t going to go through with it.  I wanted to shake things up to be daring.  I wanted to turn a page.  I wanted to move on but the truth is I am not ready yet.  The future is still the future and the past is still the present.

I understand grief has its own time and process.  I’m always in a hurry wanting things to happen now, but in the same way that I fell in love with Chris by getting to know him so is my process of living without him – a day at a time. 

I know the good, respecting, conscientious Deborah lives side by side with the sexy, provocative, playful Deborah.  The key is to learn how to balance all sides as I try to honor my whole being. Good Saturday.

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