There is nothing like being a writer to test one’s self-confidence and one’s ability to shut off the destructive inner dialogue. It is just the ultimate. Why? You start by staring at a blank computer screen and then you type the first few words. At the end of your work day, you start thinking back to the world you are creating with its characters and situations and most often than not the question “have I lost my mind” pops up. Next, it will be phrases like “this is awful, what was I thinking?, I’ll never work again.”
But, somehow – if writers are actually to work again – they have to find the discipline, courage and inspiration to keep going. And let me tell you, it is a daily battle. After all, a writer is an absolute creator who has to trust his or hers creativity in order to create. A writer’s work starts with them and its 100% their creation.
So, it is possible to continue to plow forward even though thoughts of I’m not good enough do their best to take over our lives. It is a matter of being more in love with what we want to do then a victim of the evil inner dialogue. It is also a matter of saying: Maybe I’m not good enough, but I’m going to do my best and get to the end of whatever I’m doing and then we’ll see what happens.
For many years I suffered from an extreme behavior; that of beating myself up for things that I didn’t do or did do.
I never needed anyone to hold me up to any accountability or standards. I did that on my own and to such a high level that it was obvious that I had set myself up for failure.
At a certain point, things got so bad that I even imagined taking my own head and hitting it against a wall. My mind wanted me to pay for being stupid or for not being perfect.
It was then that I realized that the compassion I offered to others when they were less than perfect, I should also give myself before I crushed under the weight of my intolerance.