Always Saying Everything Is Fine, Actually Hurts Us

December 12, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

boy and the sky

There are two very strong reasons why people try to keep the appearance that everything is fine.  1 – Because we feel we are judged by how close or far we are to being perfect and having the perfect life.  2 – Because we feel if people knew certain things about us they would judge us poorly simply because “things” are taken at face value.

The problem with having always to put up a façade is that it makes us feel like we are hiding something.  It also gives us a distorted perception of life.  If everyone is doing fine or great than what’s wrong with me?  Why am I the only one feeling blue?  Or why am I the only one that is having difficulties.

Aaron Sorkin, the great playwright TV and feature writer (Social Network), in a Huffington Post blog wrote the following when addressing Sarah Palin’s joy in killing a Caribou: “Let me be the first to say that I abused cocaine and was arrested for it in April 2001. I want to be the first to say it so that when Palin’s Army of Arrogant Assholes, bereft of any reasonable rebuttal, write it all over the internet tomorrow they will at best be the second.”

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No More Judging, at Least for Me

June 13, 2009 by  
Filed under Blog

I’ve made progress.  I am now aware of when I start judging others and am able to stop.  I realized some time ago that I used judging as a way to keep a distance from others, and deal with my own jealousy and shortcomings.

As I learn to love and accept myself more, I also learn to see my judging for what it is; my misguided frustration.

We all have our demons and we deal with them in our own way.  Because I woman feels the need to have massive botox or plastic surgery doesn’t necessarily mean she’s superficial.  It might mean that it’s difficult for her to see her once smooth skin show the wear and tear of a life in mid stream.  It might be a certain lack of self-love or even a need to satisfy someone else, or absolutely no hang ups whatsoever, just a losing attempt to hold back time. Who knows?  That’s the point.  We don’t know what makes people tick. 

I often meet people of great success and when one of them acts cold, I used to think “how dare they treat me like that?  What an ass!”  I never stopped to think that might have been a way to hide their insecurity.  If you think about it you’ll see it can be a possible explanation.  Or maybe I was right all along and they were an ass.

Sometimes people say things that hurt but it might not be out of anger or someone acting mean it might be out of their own hurt.

I know my examples to make my point are not the most inspired but I think they are enough to start a conversation.

In any case, now I don’t judge and I instead observe.  It actually makes me happier because judging creates feelings inside that are corrosive.  My hope is to master this new quality of mine of non judging.