Always Saying Everything Is Fine, Actually Hurts Us

December 12, 2010 by  
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boy and the sky

There are two very strong reasons why people try to keep the appearance that everything is fine.  1 – Because we feel we are judged by how close or far we are to being perfect and having the perfect life.  2 – Because we feel if people knew certain things about us they would judge us poorly simply because “things” are taken at face value.

The problem with having always to put up a façade is that it makes us feel like we are hiding something.  It also gives us a distorted perception of life.  If everyone is doing fine or great than what’s wrong with me?  Why am I the only one feeling blue?  Or why am I the only one that is having difficulties.

Aaron Sorkin, the great playwright TV and feature writer (Social Network), in a Huffington Post blog wrote the following when addressing Sarah Palin’s joy in killing a Caribou: “Let me be the first to say that I abused cocaine and was arrested for it in April 2001. I want to be the first to say it so that when Palin’s Army of Arrogant Assholes, bereft of any reasonable rebuttal, write it all over the internet tomorrow they will at best be the second.”

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Experiencing Life Through Other People’s Point Of View

November 25, 2010 by  
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Years ago I saw a film called The Joy Luck Club.  The film tells the story of a few women and their mothers from the mothers’ point of view.  I watched the movie alone late at night. Half way into the film, I started to sob. I was overcome by a deep sorrow of having lived so many years without ever attempting to experience my relationship with my mother from her point of view.  In my wants and desires for my life in the world, I had forgotten I was part of her. She had given me life while I wanted to live that life. Because of that experience I was able to gain a new understanding and compassion for her.

Our minds are set up in such a way that we observe and experience everything as if we are the center of the universe.  Things and people exist because of us and for us.  The result is most often conflict and judgment.

Reminding ourselves to also experience our relationships through other people’s point of view turns our own lives into more layered and rounded existences.

The everyday practice is simply to develop a complete acceptance and openness to all situations and emotions, and to all people, experiencing everything totally without mental reservations and blockages, so that one never withdraws or centralizes onto oneself Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

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