Sometimes Letting Go Is Best

August 17, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog

Sometimes no matter what we do, a relationship doesn’t work out.  It is terribly painful when after trying all different ways of being and relating we come to the understanding a particular dynamic will never be satisfying or even civilized.  Once we get to that point the next hardest thing happens; we need to let go.  This scenario happens in friendships, in family and romantic relationships.

Yesterday, talking to a friend she shared she had come to the end of trying to have a minimally positive relationship with her husband of fifteen years.  In her case, her husband went from being a recovering alcoholic to being an alcoholic.  And no matter what she says or tries he continues on his path of self-destruction.  She has decided to ask him to leave; a very painful decision as they also have kids.  But she has come to the point where she understands there can’t be a relationship between them beyond her being his caretaker.

I understand her decision.   I too recently have come to the same point with a family member.  It is not easy, but when you realize there will never be a good outcome, the only thing you can do is remove yourself from the equation.  Now I didn’t come to this point easily.  We are talking of an entire life time of trying different approaches and a lot of pain as a result.  But sometimes we have to be humble and recognize it really isn’t up to us.

Ending or withdrawing from a relationship is not a perfect solution, especially if it involves a family member.  In these situations one must understand there is no satisfying outcome.  There is only the healthier path. It doesn’t mean you have stopped loving them.  It just means you realize a relationship is not possible.

Letting go of people is never easy, but sometimes having them in our lives causes us more pain than good.  And that goes for the other person as well.  In those instances center yourself, take a deep breath, wish them well, and let them go without anger or recrimination.

Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go. — Sylvia Robinson

Share

Learning To Let Go; Magee Lessons

June 12, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Shai 002Magee was my first dog. He came with my wife. In fact, it is very possible that had he not jumped into my lap and knocked the glass of white wine out of my hand and spilled it on my beige sports jacket, my wife and I would never have gotten together.

I was not a unique child. I wanted a dog as a pet. My mother was desperately afraid of animals. I never knew why. To my knowledge she had never been attacked, and neither my brother nor I had ever an unpleasant moment with a pet. But who is to account for anxieties? They are often untraceable to real events. So, we never had a dog. We visited people who had dogs, but they had to be locked out in a yard or inside in a room or my mother wouldn’t come into the house. Every time we visited my Uncle and Aunt, Bill and Sally, I would go down to the den, close the door behind me, and play with their dog that was confined during our visit.

Read more

Share