I Live Alone And I Like It

Living alone gets a bad rap. Mostly because people equate being alone with lonely.  Nothing could be further from the truth as one can feel lonely in the middle of a crowd.  As well as, one can feel fulfilled by themselves. Loneliness relates not to the number of people surrounding us, but to the connections with the self.

I love living alone because I get to do what I want, how I want in the best company possible; that of my own self.  Now, by most people’s standards I’m a very social person.  I have many friends and an active work life. So, it is when I’m alone that I get to listen to how I’m truly feeling and bask in the simple easy things that I’ve learned give me a great sense of serenity.

I also have extensive experience in living with others.  Besides living with friends, I have also had two long term relationships where I shared a home. In the first, living together made me completely lonely, the second made me feel I had a home and belonged.

Maybe one day, I’ll get to share my home with someone again.  So, I enjoy my time on my own now and know if and when I share my life with someone else, I will make sure to never give up on the sacred time I have now come to enjoy so much; that with myself.

Please read on.

How Living Alone Can Be Good For You

By Laura Schocker

My whole life I’ve been told that teamwork is golden. The clichés say it all: Two heads are better than one. The more the merrier. There is no “I” in “team.” I grew up to view being in the company of others as the de facto ideal state. And for many years, it was true: my senior year of college, I lived with seven of my closest girlfriends in one house. Just as I predicted, it was one of the best years of my life. No matter what time of day or night there was always a friend to bounce an idea off of, a shoulder to cry on or a late-night snack buddy. It was domestic bliss for a 22-year-old...Continued

The Difference Between Loneliness And Solitude

Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your won presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement – Alice Koller

 

 

Although loneliness and solitude are often thought to be the same experience, nothing could be further from the truth.

Loneliness manifests itself as a sense of emptiness and isolation while solitude creates a sense of communion with the self.

In loneliness we ache.  In solitude we feast. In loneliness we have no one.  In solitude we are one with the self.

It is in solitude that we learn to hear our own voice, to recognize and appease the pain and to celebrate who we are.

In solitude we clear out the clutter.  We ask and answer such questions as: What’s really important to me?  What do I really want?

It is also we solitude that we provide ourselves with simple and meaningful joys.

The only way to end loneliness is through solitude because we are never alone if we are connected to ourselves.

So how do we come to create and appreciate solitude?  By taking the time to be by ourselves, to relax and to listen to what really is going on within us.  It is also by soothing ourselves with simple activities such as: a bath, a glass of wine, music or meditation.

Solitude is precious time with the self.  It is where we plan our next steps.

The Difference Between Loneliness And Solitude

Although loneliness and solitude are often thought to be the same experience, nothing could be further from the truth.

For a long time in my life I felt lonely.  Even when I was married living in New York, I felt lonely.  The reasons were:  1 – I was terribly unhappy in my marriage and 2 – I didn’t have a healthy relationship with my own self.

Feeling unhappy in a relationship is a relatively easy situation to fix.  Sooner or later one of the two  – if not both – start a process of separation.  Now creating a relationship with oneself is a bit more complicated because it requires courage and commitment. Courage to embrace all aspects of our being – what we consider “good” and what we consider “bad” – and commitment, because it will take time to form a bond.

Once you decide to get to truly know yourself, solitude becomes the space and time to make it happen.

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Things We Can Live Without

Really like the post the post below from O Magazine.  It’s simple and direct. It encourages us to own up our opinion.  It doesn’t mean we are right, it just means it is our opinion.  And no need to be humble about it.

The post addresses the difference between being single and being alone.  We can be single and not alone.  And we can be in a relationship and alone.  Loneliness comes from a disconnect with our own selves.

It also reminds us not to be vulnerable or open to negative people.  Spend fifteen minutes with someone who is negative, and the sunshine you had seen before will change into a cloudy day.

Indulge in the little things that bring you pleasure. Life is to be lived today and creating pleasurable moments makes our spirits soar. Sometimes when I need a little pampering, I make myself a great meal accompanied by a nice bottle of wine.  Or I schedule a facial or a massage. How can you pamper yourself?

Why not write your own six things you can live without?  Once you have your own specific list remind yourself of it as often as you can.

Read on…

Author and political commentator Donna Brazile reveals six things she never wants to think about again—and you don’t need them either.

The words “in my humble opinion.” It is never humble and it is never delivered as opinion.

Energy sucks (a.k.a Negative Nancies, Debbie Downers, and Sad Sids). These are the people who find the cloud around every silver lining. If you can’t cut them out of your life entirely, turn your interactions with them into a game. When my neighbor says, “I hate this horrible weather!” I say, “Isn’t horrible weather great? It means I don’t have to wash my car!” Continued…

Sometimes The Holidays Make Us Blue;Here Is Why It Shouldn’t

I love the holiday season.  I like the slower days and the lesser pressure to produce.  I like that others in general are also in a more loving mood.  To think years ago I used to detest the holidays.  But that was when I concentrated on what I didn’t have.  I actually used to joke with friends that we should have a party every January 2^nd and call it “I Survived The Holidays” party.

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Nothing To Fear In Solitude

People that know me or who have been reading my posts know how much I appreciate my solitude.  The days I carve out time to be with my own self, are glorious.  On those days, I get to calmly listen to my inner thoughts and I get to indulge in the simple things that make me happy.

Solitude is energy building.

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Finding Oneself Through Solitude

I love Sundays.  I wake up early but I roll around in bed until I feel ready to get up.  I go for long walks with my dogs without my cell phone.  I do things around the house, read and write and most often don’t when the phone rings I let my answering service pick up.

I usually make something special to eat midday and unlike every other day, have a glass of wine before night sets in.

Sunday is my day of solitude.  It’s a day I pamper myself with enough time to sit in the yard and watch the birds drink from my Buddha fountain.   In my solitude I find renewal.  In my solitude I find myself.

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Turning Loneliness Into Deeper Connection

I have just read the posting below and thought of sharing it with you.  It is a good companion to my earlier post The Pleasures Of Solitude (http://theloveprojectinc.com/?p=3192)

—-

By Anne Naylor, posted on the Huffington Post

Loneliness accepted becomes a gift
leading one from a life dominated by tears
to the discovery of one’s true self
and finally to the heart of longing and the love of God.
-Unknown

This week, I have been reading Alex And Me by Dr Irene Pepperberg, the touching and inspiring story of the author’s scientific studies with a Grey parrot, Alex, and his intelligence and language skills. A feisty bird by all accounts, he also demonstrated qualities of empathy and understanding — qualities I call “heart skills.” His premature death was deeply grieved.

Do you ever feel disconnected and find this world to be a lonely place, lacking in warmth and friendship? Or perhaps you are one who thrives in solitude. Do you feel overwhelmed by demands being made on you for your time and attention, but absent from real contact with others? Do you ever wonder in all of the busy-ness who your friends really are? …Continued

The Pleasures Of Solitute

I ended up having a lovely day yesterday; actually very recharging.

I had written about being in a funk in the morning – as I had been waking up feeling down and fighting the feeling throughout the day for the past few days – but then I realized it was a beautiful day.

I usually go to Yoga on Sundays but I knew I needed to do my day differently so I put the dogs in the car and went to the farmer’s market.  Walking around the market amongst the many other people with their partners and children made me feel part of a community.  I guess I could have felt lonely but I have come to a point in my own personal growth that I take the good moments for what they are, good moments.  I have learned to leave myself alone and not have the banter within that could have pointed out that while most people had others, I was alone.

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A Dog Without An Owner

I am in Brazil visiting my family and have just got off the phone with a childhood friend.  The call was mostly about making plans for tomorrow but before we hung up she said: Debinha (that’s how my friends in Brazil call me) please say something.  I said “what do you mean?” and she responded “I’m feeling like a dog without an owner.”

What she meant was she didn’t feel like she belonged anywhere.  She’s a woman in her forties, who’s not in a relationship, and who lives alone.  I told her we are all dogs without owners.  What I meant to say was feeling lonely came from within not from being or not in a relationship.

When we are feeling well, we entertain and keep ourselves company.  We listen to what we want to do and we follow up on our desires the best way we can.  We feel whole and because we are okay with our own selves, we are also okay with others and the world. Being with others is in addition to the way we are already feeling.

When we are not well, we feel lonely and abandoned.  So feeling like a dog without an owner in reality has little to do with being with others or not.  It really is about ourselves.  Just ask how many times have you felt alone in the middle of a large group of people?

I told my childhood friend to stop thinking and get out of the house.  “Keep yourself in motion.  The more you think how things are not the way you want them to be, the more pity sets in” I said.  I know from experience this type of thinking is unhealthy.  It is the type where we are the masters of the universe and everything that we consider to be wrong is our fault.  It is the thinking that points to our incapacity to find happiness simply because we are no good.

Each one of us has specific reasons why we feel lonely or why we beat ourselves over the head when we are already down on the ground.  But one universal solution to this phenomenon is to not indulge in it.  “Distract yourself when you start thinking about all the wrong things in your life.  Watch TV, go for a walk, call a friend to talk about the funnies but don’t indulge in your pity for yourself” were my parting words to my childhood friend.

Being our own best friend requires a willingness to peel the layers of the onion and look within.  It takes a willingness to give ourselves a hand when we need it instead of running out and looking for someone else to do so.  It takes realizing only ourselves are a constant companion in our lives.  But if we can do that we’ll never feel like a dog without an owner as we are both the dog and the owner.

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