My Mizpah

February 20, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

The Lord watch between me and thee while we are apart and absent from one another. Genesis 31:49.

The Mizpah. An emotional bond between people who are separated. Separated either physically or by death. My husband and I shared a Mizpah medal since we began our life together in the middle 1980s. Always on our key ring, after a while you didn’t even notice it was there. Years passed. Good times. Bad times. Then shattering challenges. Out of our control, we struggled, trying to regain our world. Then life threw us in opposite directions. He moved out of state. Emotions flew out of control. We lived as if the other one no longer existed. All conversations ceased. During one period of deep sadness, I took the Mizpah off my key ring and mailed it to him.

Then late one night I finally realized, it was time. It had been 3 years of silence. Was he the man I fell in love with? Or was he the man who left? It was time. I had to know who he was. So it came as a shock for both of us. I called him. Then we spent months of long nights, hours of mosaic phone conversations. Ultimately in total unison, we began rebuilding our new life together.

And then one day he gives me something, it’s wrapped in this kleenex. I was without words. It was my Mizpah. He had kept it. He had also kept his part on his key ring. We had been physically separated yet truly, God watched over us… our love was protected.

It’s been 14 months that again, again we are separated. Only now we are separated by death. A life of sleepless nights, I feel so alone without feeling his body next to mine. All I have is memories. I look at our photos and find myself trying to mentally go back in time, to be back in that moment. A life where my husband held me and we danced.