Managing Life’s Struggles

May 28, 2012 by  
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So, I’m in Rio de Janeiro, one of the most beautiful cities in the world.  The people are beautiful and friendly and the beaches can be exotic or inviting – it all depends on your mood.  But, I’m really here to visit my aging parents.  Rio is the city of my birth.

Anyone, with older parents knows how difficult it is to see our loved ones struggle with things that used to be easy to do.  To witness their health wane.  In my case I also have to deal with the distance between Los Angeles – where I live – and Rio de Janeiro.

My visits are always full of mixed emotions; happiness in seeing them and stress for not being able to stop life’s unstoppable march.

By nature I am a caretaker.  When my late husband became ill, I spent the better part of two and a half years taking care of him.  I was by his side every minute of his journey.  My husband died at home by my side.  We slept in the same bed till his last night.

Through all my experiences of care taking, I have learned that we can only give if we take care of ourselves as well.  If we don’t fill up the well, it will eventually dry out.

Pain is part of the human experience.  There is no way around it.  Even if nothing tragic ever happens in your life – yes, there are a few of you out there – one day you will have an aging parent.   One day for sure you will have pain.

It is in these times of emotional stress that we need to remember to willfully seek beauty.  As sure as I am that we all deal with pain so am I that we can all have beauty.  It is all around us.  We just need to open ourselves up to it.

Beauty comforts inspires and fills up the well.

Diligently taking breaks to renew our emotional well allows us to go through the different pains life brings us from time to time.  It also allows us to give more.

If you are today going through a difficult time find the beauty in your world.  I know it can be difficult.  I know you can easily dismiss it by thinking “I have no time for this”.  But, you do.  And it is the only way you will be able to sooth yourself and others.   Go out with a friend.  Do something that is fulfilling to you.  Beauty is pain’s antidote.

 

 

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Change Your Focus And Stop Being Stressed

May 26, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

Felt a real kinship with the post below.  First because like the author I too live in Los Angeles, and second because I too work in Hollywood.  But that is not the point of the post. The point is as a nation we have lost our ability to unplug and relax.  We have actually convinced ourselves that the more stressed out and tired we are, the more needed and important we become.

I’m here to tell you those assumptions are untrue.  If we are tired and stressed we are just that; tired and stressed.  We are no good to ourselves and to anyone else.

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The Truest Love Of All

January 19, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog

heart on the beach

Huffington Post

by Deborah Calla
I was married at age 20 to a man who was 11 years my senior. When I married the man, I was a recent Brazilian arrival doing a lot of drugs and hanging out with all the wrong people. I thought getting married would settle me down and straighten me out, but instead it marked the beginning of the worst period of my life. The man was intelligent and creative, but he was also possessive, manipulative and had an ego that didn’t allow any other human to occupy the same space as his. Within the first year the intelligent man showed himself as delusional and abusive…Continued

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Simple Moments = Fulfillment

December 30, 2010 by  
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Last night, as I’m getting ready to go to my Yoga class a dear friend of mine calls to invite me for dinner.  I first hesitated as I was planning in eating light – post Christmas’ belly blues – and then watching a movie.  At the end I said yes as I really love this friend.

I had a really nice slow, stretching Yoga time and then drove to her house through the great winds gushing through Los Angeles.  It was almost 9pm when I arrived.  My friend was already in the kitchen preparing our dinner.  She sat me down at the candle lit dinning-table, plopped my favorite cheese in front of me and then handed a glass of Champagne.   As I filled myself up with bread, cheese and Champagne we talked about the changes we want to see happen in our lives in the coming year and about friends and family.

At around 9:30pm my friend served a most fabulous sushi dinner; yellowtail, tuna, fish roe and a salad.  As we ate, drank and talked I was reminded of how little it takes to create a magical moment; a good friend, good food, a glass of Champagne and candles.

So often we are focused in chasing after the big things; a better job, relationship, money, and we either don’t create or don’t appreciate the simple moments which are the foundation of our well-being.

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Find What Really Matters To You And Have A Meaningful Life

July 26, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I must ask you again to indulge my story telling ways as I go around the world to make my point.

Saturday night I watched Valkyrie with Tom Cruise.  The film tells the story of the last attempt by German officials to assassinate Adolf Hitler.

It is not a great film but the real story is; men who saw wrong and risk their own lives to make it right.

I often talk and think about what gives meaning to our lives.  These German soldiers, Nelson Mandela, and many others throughout history, show us in a clear way what it is to believe in something so much that they are willing to lay down their lives for it.  But having meaning in life doesn’t have to involve life or death or big statements.  To most of us it means connecting to what is important and giving it its due respect.

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Reminder: Do Not Judge

July 23, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

In my neighborhood of Silver Lake, California, until Wednesday (7/21/2010) lived a doctor Marc Abrams who was known as the “Walking Man”.

Marc was a famous fixture in my neighborhood of eclectic people.  He walked 20-30 miles a day as well as swam for hours on a daily basis.  Until last year he practice medicine and once upon a time he had been my late husband’s doctor.

Marc walked with a purpose and if you had a burning medical question rather than get on the phone and wait for a return call, you just needed to drive around until finding him and then get out of the car and walk with him.  He gave you all the time in the world as long as you kept up with him.

No one would ever think Marc would commit suicide.  Of course the entire neighborhood knew something had to be off but no one thought Marc would stop walking by his own accord.

Reading about his suicide again made me think none of us know what truly goes on each other’s heart and how each one of us processes information.  Every day I remind myself to be less judgmental and more accepting as who knows what battles have been waged that have allowed any of us  to be standing here?

Man is harder than iron, stronger than stone and more fragile than a rose.  ~Turkish Proverb

RIP Marc.

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LN2LVME

June 5, 2009 by  
Filed under Uncategorized

Although I’m not a native of California (big surprise), I have resided here long enough to pick up some pretty easy to form habits.  Deciphering environmental license plates of car owners in the Golden state can be a real challenge from time to time.  Just recently, I stopped for a traffic light at the intersection of Wilshire & Westwood.  A car length ahead of me, in an adjacent lane, was a late model vehicle (manufacturer and model will remain anonymous for obvious reasons that follow) with “LN2LVME” as identified on its license plate.

Having gotten fairly astute at this pastime, I, short of a second or so, made this translation: LN2LVME  = Learn To Love Me.  Most of you reading this, in spite of what thoroughfare you use to get around your town, probably would have guessed the same as I?  Shortly after awarding myself, again, for “discernment of the not so obvious”, I thought about something that should have been very obvious.

It came to me in a flash.  If I was correct in my presumption, this was a plea to, perhaps, a lover, a spouse, a child … whoever … for the intended to be loved or to be more appreciated or just to be paid attention to.  Clearly, I thought, this was a person who felt misunderstood, even  “unloved”?  How sad, I went on to conclude that this was someone who was calling in desperation to get what we all need.  Love.

Then my thoughts evolved to a level more discomforting than the first?  What if this person was beyond a request, but had given up on love?  What if “LN2LVME” actually meant Learn to Leave Me”

The lesson I got from a person whom I probably will never meet but may have encountered the likes of more times than I know, was simply this:  Don’t be in so much of a hurry that you don’t pay attention to the ones that you mean so much to.  Sometimes the signs of their needing you are not easy to see.   Hopefully, you will respond in kind to the plea as suggested in my first interpretation of the license plate message rather than that of the second, which could be too late.  Remember, the signs of the times are all around us, even at a busy intersection in one of the heart of Los Angeles, the City of the Angels….

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