Turning Loss Into Depth And Wisdom

January 15, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog

By Angie Rubin

A couple of days ago, I had lunch with a woman who had been my late husband’s friend.  I had seen her once before since his passing two and a half years ago.

The friend wanted to check in with me and again offer her support.  We talked for a while and then the conversation shifted to her brother.  She said we both had a lot in common; he’s a Buddhist – she said. Even though I don’t know her brother, I intuitively knew what she was trying to say.  She was referring to the quality of acceptance.

Read more

Share

Scars Tell Where We Have Been, But Not Where We Are Going

December 5, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Candles

I watched Rabbit Hole a couple of nights ago.  The film tells the story of a couple (Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart) who lose their 4 year-old son when he runs after his dog and onto the street.  The movie starts eight months into the parent’s recovery process.

There was a line in the film spoken by Nicole Kidman that hit me in the stomach.  She said something like: After someone dies the pain from the loss becomes what we have of them.

It is now 2 years and 4 months since my husband passed away.  I’ve done much and have met many people during this time.  I have also gone through many changes as a person.  But the sadness of Chris’ loss is a constant companion. That is not to say, I don’t laugh or love – I promise you I do and quite often – but I’m always aware of the hurt within.

Read more

Share

The Transformative Power Of Love

November 22, 2010 by  
Filed under Featured

Below is a beautifully written and touching post by Dan Gottlieb on the Huffington Post.  Dan discusses how when we open ourselves up to the love that already exists within us, life changes.  When we finally realize that loving someone is not about changing them into the people we would like them to be, we are ready to embrace the love that lives within us. We often spend so much of our time and energy trying to prove who we are to others and ourselves that we end up running over what would actually make our lives in what we keep searching for; a more profound and transformative experience.

His observations come as a result of the loss of his mother and of a friend’s loss of his son.  Unfortunately sometimes it takes a tragedy for life to come into focus again.

Don’t wait to experience a great loss in your life to peel away the layers of anger and discontent to find what already lives within you.  In love there is compassion and warmth. Love yourself and others today.

—-

By Dan Gottlieb

As much as I hate to say it, the Beatles were wrong when they said, “Love is all you need.” It’s just not that simple.

Love nurtures life, but we need much more. I think Andrew Lloyd Webber got it right when he wrote the lyric, “Love changes everything,” for the musical “Aspects of Love.” Love changes our lives, whether it’s the openhearted, head-over-heels kind of love that makes us obsessed with our lover, or the kind of love we feel for a child. But love also changes our lives when it slowly begins to die in a marriage, or when it’s betrayed by broken promises.

And the nature of love is forever altered when death visits the relationship…Continued

Share

Is The Glass Half Full Or Half Empty? Your Choice

November 14, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

One of the concepts that we seem to have a difficult time with is what one of Shakespeare’s quotes addresses: “Things are neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so.”  Or in more colloquial terms: “Is the glass half full or half empty?”  Depends on how you see it.

Every experience carries in itself an unlimited number of possibilities for us to experience different emotions and reactions.  Which emotion or reaction we will have to a situation depends on us.  Even the ultimate – the loss of a loved one – has the possibility to allow us to create something positive in our life experience.  In the loss we may find strength and creativity we didn’t know we had.  We may find a depth of love we were not aware of.  Or we may find a different set of values and path.

Knowing how much say we actually have in the way we experience our lives is empowering and liberating.

Below is an excerpt I found in Oprah’s magazine.

“… friend, Margo, had to get back from a business trip in time for an extremely important meeting at work. But somehow, she didn’t allow enough time to get to the airport, and she missed her plane. Margo began rebuking herself: “I should have left last night. I should have taken an earlier plane.” Then a funny thing happened. As Margo thought about the things she could have done differently, she realized that she always had choices; in fact, she chose her reaction to this situation. She decided not to obsess about it, and, after calling her boss to apologize, used her newfound free time to take a walk. As Margo relaxed, her creativity flowed and she started to feel positive about the future, whatever the outcome.

The next morning, when she arrived at work, she learned that several people had been similarly delayed, and the meeting had been postponed until that day.

Margo was a smash. Having let go of her fear and self-recrimination, she had a lot more to offer. Missing her flight would have been a failure only if she had refused to learn.

Spiritual lessons are everywhere. When we see our work as part of the playing field for personal growth, we become less enmeshed in it and less frantic about the outcome. Then we can enjoy it more, and we can make a greater contribution. ..”  Anne Wilson Schaef, Ph.D., is the author of Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much and Meditations for Living in Balance.

Share

Stop Wishing For Things To Be Different

November 10, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Life is complicated and often trying but one thing I do know: wishing for things to be different – especially if they have already happened – it is a waste of time.

Yesterday, I decided I was going to count how many times I heard: “I wish things were different” or some form of it.  In twenty-four hours the count came to seven.  That might not seem like a high number but if you take in consideration I was asleep or alone some of those hours, you’ll recognize the impact of my findings.

Each time I heard I”I wish things were different” I simply answered: “but they aren’t.”   It’s a simple and profound answer.  By accepting and embracing our lives as they are, we place ourselves in the moment and in the driver’s seat.   We stop being passive bystanders of our own lives and become active in how we want things to be today.

Read more

Share

Don’t Let Fear Of Loss Close Your Heart

November 1, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Angie Rubin

I’m in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, the city and country I grew up in, visiting my parents.

I have not lived in this city for over twenty years, and so being here is always very emotional as I reconnect with past feelings and history.

I am here staying with my parents who are now in their 80s. I’m aware of their frailty and our time together coming to an end.  I’m not living the pain of loss, but I recognize the beginning of my own grieving process. I honor my feelings while I create new experiences.

As I deal with my emotions, thoughts come to my mind:  would it have been easier if I had let past disagreements have broken us apart?  Would it be easier now, if I had stopped myself from loving them as much as I do?

As I entertain those thoughts I realize that’s what so many of us do with our relationships, wishes and desires.

Read more

Share

How To Find A Sense Of Well-Being

September 27, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Angie Rubin

I woke up yesterday feeling a little frustrated about my life.  And then I did the worst thing I could have; I compared other people’s lives to mine.  Half-hour passed before the side of me – which is in transformation – was able to remind me that each life is unique and life’s journey is not a competition with others but it is the sculpting of us by us.

If we had real understanding and compassion for our struggles we would never put ourselves down.  If we could achieve a sense of internal well-being we would never care what others thought of us.  And how liberating wouldn’t that be?

Read more

Share

The New Grief: Reaching Out Through The Internet

September 24, 2010 by  
Filed under Featured

Good article on using the internet as online support system or to  find out local organizations.

Writing in the NY Times on September 3rd, Paula Span described the emergence of online support and caregiving “communities.” One such site — Lotsa Helping Hands — has succeeded in facilitating the creation of almost 30,000 of these “communities.” They are all local, and they exist to recruit and coordinate volunteer services for members of the community who are in need. For example, a single mother who must undergo chemotherapy and needs help with child care, shopping, etc...Continued

Share

Objects Have No History. Hearts Do.

September 20, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Angie Rubin

Last night I watched The Time Traveler’s Wife.  I knew it wasn’t a very good film but I’m always interested in anything “supernatural” so after dinner I popped the DVD in my player and watched the movie.  At the end, although I did not become emotionally invested in the story, I was left with a sense of loss and thoughts of time.

Read more

Share

Surviving Life’s Low Points

August 26, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Today is my fourth wedding anniversary.   I am here but my husband isn’t.  We actually only got to commemorate our first wedding anniversary.  Chris passed away nine days before our second.

Read more

Share

« Previous PageNext Page »