The Power Of Giving And Receiving

May 17, 2012 by  
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Yesterday, I read something I had never thought about, but which it makes perfect sense: when we do something good for someone else we experience the feeling ourselves.  That is why giving is receiving.  Our brain, heart, soul, experience the doing and the result without discriminating who the ultimate receptor is.

Think about it: if a friend needs consoling over something that has happened in their life, as we embrace and love them, the love we give is also felt by us.  The act of consoling is felt by both parties.

If you give money to someone who is in need, as you think about how much that’s going to help that person and the gratitude that will bring,  you get to experience the excitement involved in the gesture.  Again, the satisfaction impacts both the giver and the receiver.

On the other hand, in the giving and receiving world, it is important to play both roles.  Unfortunately, some of us have a hard time receiving, mostly because of low self-esteem.  We either think “I’m not worthy to receive” or we masquerade that by thinking: “I don’t need it.  I’m too great.”  Both thoughts are the two sides of the same coin because thinking we are too great for help is only covering up for I’m not good enough.

Now, truly receiving requires us to embrace our imperfections and our need of others.

Of course, we intellectually know that none of us can ever be perfect.  But, in the emotional reality realm, we often struggle with the acceptance of our mistakes and flaws.

It is in those times that we have to apply compassion towards ourselves and remember that ultimately our journey is about acquiring wisdom and that can only happen through trial and error.

Lastly, we are social beings.  It is through relationships that we experience life.  Giving and receiving is how we relate.

And as Buddha said…

If you knew what I know about the power of giving you would not let a single meal pass without sharing it in some way – Buddha

 

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Self Destructive Behavior, How To Stop It

January 30, 2011 by  
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Angie Rubin Photo

I know a thing or two about self-destructive behavior.  In my life I had two distinct cycles; first when I left my family in Brazil and moved to NYC.  Second, when I left my first husband in NYC and moved to Los Angeles.

Now even prior to my move to NYC, I find a girl who always had trouble understanding why people would love me.  Even a friend.  So I would look at every relationship I had and ask myself what was I providing that person with to justify them being my friend. One can say I had a serious case of low self-esteem. And of course it wasn’t justified. I’ve always had many qualities that make me a person worth being with and loving.

My first cycle ran for about ten years.  I married a man who was controlling and abusive and little by little lost myself to depression.

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Stop Being Manipulated

June 28, 2010 by  
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Many years ago I dated a very bright, good looking, neurologist.  In the very beginning he was the best boyfriend ever.  He called every day, carefully planned dates, and was very sweet but a month into the relationship things started to shift ever so slightly.  We would make plans to speak at 5pm but he would disappear until 8pm, leaving me to wonder if we were going to have dinner together or not.  He put me in a kayak in the ocean, for the first time in my life, and got upset when I couldn’t make it past the breaking waves.  Things continued to go south with the last drop being a trip we had planned to take together to NY which changed to include his daughter and turn me into the third wheel.  We were together between 4-5 months.

Looking back, it seems obvious to me that I had been manipulated.  I bought into “he is a neurologist and a nice guy he could never be perverse. There must be something wrong with me.”

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Are You Addicted To Drama?

June 24, 2010 by  
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I usually check out the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com) in the morning.  I like some of their political posts as well as their living posts.  I’m also loyal to the Huffington Post because I am one of their regular bloggers.

In today’s Living section I saw a headline that caught my attention; “Are You Addicted To Drama? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tom-ferry/self-help-are-you-addicte_b_623182.html ” posted by Tom Ferry.  I started reading it right away because I have not only been addicted to drama in the past but I have also had many people in my life suffering from the same condition.

While I agree with some of Tom’s statements such as: “how you feel determines your attitude. Your attitude then determines your actions, which ultimately determines the outcome”, and “Why are most people comfortable in this place of conflict? There’s a perceived benefit to being dramatic. We get attention. Our needs are being met because we are connecting with others” the accusatory and blaze tone he chose to use is in my opinion a reflection of his lack of understanding of why people create drama in their lives.

People create drama in their lives because:

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