Before Throwing In The Towel, Make Sure That’s What You Want

July 1, 2012 by  
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A friend of mine, I’m going to call her Annie, lived with her boyfriend for four years before they decided to get married.  They had a fabulous fun wedding and four months later she caught her new husband cheating on her.  She was so hurt, humiliated and angry that all she could think was of was to ask for a divorce.  They sold their house and went their separate ways.

I saw Annie recently, three years after her divorce, and we talked about her ex-husband.  She said she regretted not having given their relationship a chance.  She thought she should have talked to him and tried to figure out why after just a few months he needed to give his attention to someone else.  Was the commitment to much of a weight?  Was he/she feeling insecure about still being a desirable man/woman?

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Love And Relationship Myths

March 21, 2012 by  
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There is something amazing that happens when we stop looking for others to love us because we feel unloved or because we need someone to fill up a hole within. We actually become able to experience love. Not Hollywood love, not puppy love, but mature and profound love.

When we have spent time getting to know ourselves and have come to enjoy our own company, we are never alone.

When we discover that love comes in many ways and can be experienced in a daily basis, we are no longer starved.

When we find that we can have fun with friends, family or by ourselves, we no longer are dependent on the myth that happiness can only come from a partnership and we smile broadly.

When we finally realize we are complete as we are and don’t need another person to become whole then we are ready to be in love.

A successful relationship is one where two people come together to share their vision of a journey and support each other as they travel. Not as halves, but as two self-sufficient individuals leading complete lives.

Once we feel good about whom we are and the work we do, loving someone else is based on self and mutual respect.  Not a relationship out of need, but one born out of partnership.

Nurturing joyful love needs freedom to stretch and grow.  Needing someone else to feel complete acts as the exact opposite.  We become needy, desperate and most likely incapable of truly experiencing the wonder of love.

Sooner or later we all face our own nature, but if we have forged a relationship with the self we are never alone and always in love regardless of being in a partnership or not.

Please read on…

LOVE MYTHS

By Dawn Raffel

“Everybody has one soul mate.” “True lovers can read each other’s minds.” “All you need is love.” A psychotherapist who’s seen it all pokes holes in some of romance’s little fairy tales and explains why life is saner—and happier—without them.

If we could each pick a few songs to banish from our heads, Diana de Vegh would nominate all those soggy old refrains that say there’s one—and only one—true love for each of us: our better half, our shining knight, the person we’ll be lost without. That line of thought, says de Vegh, a therapist in private practice in New York, isn’t benignly corny—it’s harmful, feeding what she calls the myth of love scarcity…Continued

 

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How To Find Your True Voice

September 26, 2011 by  
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I just came across the below post and wanted to share with you.  In the article Martha Beck talks about the inner struggle between the “social, logical, status quo” voice and the “liberating, innovative, spontaneous” voice.  We all have at least those two voices.

The first voice we ever heard is the creative and innovative voice.  That voice is uniquely ours.  It is our own way of being and interpreting the world.  Sometimes this voice jives with society and sometimes it doesn’t.  But it is uniquely ours and it doesn’t care about being accepted.  Its mission is our contentment and happiness.

The second voice – logical – we start acquiring as we grow. It is the voice we internalize from peers, teachers, parents, and relationships.  It is the voice of our society.  This voice is more concerned in fitting in and doing things by the book.  Because most people listen mostly to this kind of voice we feel the pressure to join in and in the end we feel safe.  The feeling of safety – even though when put to test proves not to be true – comes from us acting and being a member of a large group that obey and live by the same rules.

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Things We Can Live Without

March 10, 2011 by  
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Really like the post the post below from O Magazine.  It’s simple and direct. It encourages us to own up our opinion.  It doesn’t mean we are right, it just means it is our opinion.  And no need to be humble about it.

The post addresses the difference between being single and being alone.  We can be single and not alone.  And we can be in a relationship and alone.  Loneliness comes from a disconnect with our own selves.

It also reminds us not to be vulnerable or open to negative people.  Spend fifteen minutes with someone who is negative, and the sunshine you had seen before will change into a cloudy day.

Indulge in the little things that bring you pleasure. Life is to be lived today and creating pleasurable moments makes our spirits soar. Sometimes when I need a little pampering, I make myself a great meal accompanied by a nice bottle of wine.  Or I schedule a facial or a massage. How can you pamper yourself?

Why not write your own six things you can live without?  Once you have your own specific list remind yourself of it as often as you can.

Read on…

Author and political commentator Donna Brazile reveals six things she never wants to think about again—and you don’t need them either.

The words “in my humble opinion.” It is never humble and it is never delivered as opinion.

Energy sucks (a.k.a Negative Nancies, Debbie Downers, and Sad Sids). These are the people who find the cloud around every silver lining. If you can’t cut them out of your life entirely, turn your interactions with them into a game. When my neighbor says, “I hate this horrible weather!” I say, “Isn’t horrible weather great? It means I don’t have to wash my car!” Continued…

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10 Life Lessons We Should Unlearn

February 7, 2011 by  
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Below is a very good post from O Magazine.  It talks about 10 misconceptions about life that causes us pain and turmoil.  But, the greatest message is; we all march to the beat of our own drums.  No matter how hard we try to be and to live like everyone else, we fail.  And the reason is, we are all unique.  We are the sum of our own experiences, and the way we process them.  Yes, we all want to be loved and to love but how we go about it is our own unique path.  The same goes for being safe.  So why do we put ourselves at the mercy of a set of life rules created by our society when we know they don’t apply?

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20 Questions That Could Change Your Life

January 28, 2011 by  
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Navigating through all my favorite sites I found this fun and potentially important post by Martha Beck in which she lists the 20 most important questions – voted by O Magazine readers – one should ask themselves.

What I find fun and potentially important is that making up lists demands that we stop and think what really is essential to our own lives.  And what changes could really bring more fulfillments into our lives. So before you jump into reading Martha’s post here are a few suggestions for lists.

1                     – 10 things I want to do this year

2                     – 10 things I want to change about me

3                     – 10 fun things I should be doing on a weekly basis

4                     – 1 fun thing I should be doing on a daily basis

5                     – 10 things I can do that would change my life

There are no right or wrong answers.  There is only what is true to each one of us.  So take out or pencil and paper or turn on your computer and pick a list from the above suggestions that you would like to spend some time thinking about.

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by Martha Beck, O Magazine

Finding the answers starts with posing the right questions—and Martha Beck has 20 to get you started.
1. What questions should I be asking myself?
At first I thought asking yourself what you should be asking yourself was redundant. It isn’t. Without this question, you wouldn’t ask any others, so it gets top billing. It creates an alert, thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out the information you most need in every situation. Ask it frequently.

2. Is this what I want to be doing?
This very moment is, always, the only moment in which you can make changes. Knowing which changes are best for you comes, always, from assessing what you feel. Ask yourself many times every day if you like what you’re doing. If the answer is no, start noticing what you’d prefer. Thus begins the revolution…Continued

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The Moment That Defined Spirituality

November 29, 2010 by  
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Below is a very interesting post I found on O, the Oprah Magazine.  Enjoy!

A window opening. A glimpse of the ungraspable. A sudden surge of love…or hope…or awe. We asked artists, writers, thinkers, and doers to recall the flashes of understanding that took their breath away.

Faith Adiele
Author of Meeting Faith: The Forest Journals of a Black Buddhist Nun (Norton)

Every time I act without knowing the outcome, with the risk of failure looming before me, I try to see that as a spiritual moment. Every time I transcend my limitations or touch something larger than myself: one step closer.

Diana Ackerman
Author of The Zookeeper’s Wife: A War Story (Norton)

Growing up in Illinois, I played outside each day and found nature a limitless source of surprises and wonder. That’s where I first felt a sense of belonging to its pervasive mystery, of being finite in the face of the infinite and surrounded by powerful and unseen forces. A deity wasn’t required; I rejoiced in a sort of eco-spirituality. I still think of myself as an Earth Ecstatic. The tenets of this personal religion are few: I believe in the sanctity of life and the ability of people to improve their behavior toward others. As basic as that stance is, for me it is also tonic, deeply spiritual, and complete—it glorifies the lowliest life-forms and embraces the most distant stars…Continued

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How To Live A Life Of Awe And Inspiration

November 21, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Angie Rubin

AWE, an emotion variously combining veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime.

Is there anything more moving than being overwhelmed by a sight or a feeling that moves us at a core level?

In his article for O Magazine David Hochman writes: “Scientists say it pays to cultivate more wonder in your life, whether by forwarding heart-swelling news stories or hiking the Grand Canyon. That’s because channeling awe not only produces pleasant physiological effects—such as the warm feeling in the chest activated by the vagus nerve—and gives a sense of fulfillment; it “can help a person reflect on how an upsetting event fits into their philosophy of life, or how their personal experience unites them with humanity,” says Michelle Shiota, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Arizona State University.”

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