Moving Through Grief

May 20, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

When we lose a partner one of the things we also lose is a sense of belonging.  We go from being a team to being an individual.  Sometimes we can even feel disoriented like everyone else has a place to go to except us.  Or that the world is spinning fast and we can barely keep our balance.

This phase happens when we start stepping back into the world.  When we feel we would like to see what else is in the world for us.  This is a delicate time because being frightened can send us into a shell.

During this time it is important to realize 1 – Life as it was is over, and 2 – We have decided to fully experience life again.

Don’t worry about not remembering our loved ones that are no longer here.  We will always remember.  We will always love.  And we will always miss.  But all in a different way.  All giving space to love again.  Because that is what life is: love, resilience, wisdom, experience.

So when you feel off balance take a deep breath and stop thinking.  Go back within and tell yourself you are okay.  Tell yourself one step at a time.

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Just Do It

May 7, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I love the slogan “Just do it”.  Because if you want to make a change;  just do it. The how is what can become the issue.  So here are a few things to consider when you decide to make a change:

1                    – Tell people you trust about your decision.  Once it’s out there we feel more responsible to follow through.  Plus our friends and/or family will keep us in check.

2                    – Have a plan. If you want to lose weight, set up a plan.  If you want to stop smoking, set up a plan.  In these cases a plan can be a schedule to stick by, and actions to be taken such as: read food labels, weigh food, avoid sugar etc.  And if you want to be happier, you still need a plan like: not to indulge in negativity, to busy yourself every time you get depressed, to do something pleasurable every day etc.

3                    – Realize that only you can make the change.  Waiting for others to change things for us, just keeps us right where we are.  No one can rescue anyone.  If we don’t love ourselves and are waiting for someone to love us so we can feel whole, it will never happen.  If we are waiting for someone to strategize how to get the perfect job; that will never happen.  We need to be responsible for our own lives.  If we want to live differently and/or better it is up to us.

4                    – Don’t give up and don’t expect immediate results.  Just because we decided to change something it doesn’t mean the results will happen right after we declared to the world that we are in the process of changing.  Be diligent and be reasonable and don’t give up.

5                    – Be okay in being off balance.  We are creatures of habit.  When we decide to change something about us or our lives, every cell in our bodies wants to scream: “What the hell is going on here?”  When you feel that way, realize it is part of the change and breath through the anxiety and discomfort.

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