Everybody Is Looking For Love. Or Are We?

January 19, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

If you ask anyone the answer will be yes.  We say we want to feel loved and to love.  But the truth is while we do want love we raise so many obstacles that love would have to be a champion jumper to get over all the walls we have built.

In today’s world of online dating going out with the opposite sex (or the same sex) is not a problem. Put up a picture then write a few things about yourself and you are good to go.

On the outside, online dating has facilitated meeting others – something that gets progressively harder as you get older –but it also creates an environment where people come in with laundry lists of what they don’t want and an attitude of “next”.

What is the attitude of “next”?  As a first impression you are not exactly what I think I’m looking for, so next.   Next because just in my geographic area there is thousands of other people eager to meet someone else.  Basically the attitude of “next” has turned us into kids in a candy store.

If you are looking to fall in love that will require a combination of two things: physical attraction and getting to know someone else.  Do we want the same things out of life? Can we be true friends?  Do we respect each other? Do we admire each other? These are questions that can only be answered with time.

As far as the long list of things you don’t want, my suggestion is to exchange those for the things you do want.

So next time you go on a date, try to go without any expectations.  See the other person without comparing them to your fantasy.  Maybe they will surprise you.  If you do seem to have a few things in common, give them a second chance. They might surprise you.  And mostly take your walls down.  If you really want to fall in love, you must be willing to show and share your heart.   Without that there is no falling in love.


Are We Relying On A Digital World To Streamline Humanity?

December 4, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog

A couple of times a week, I go for a walk around a reservoir by my house with a girlfriend and our dogs.  Yesterday was a gorgeous day in LA.  We took my two dogs and her one and went for the one hour long that it takes to walk around the entire reservoir.

At some point a couple of women standing on a sidewalk commented on how cute her dog is.  Without a second thought my friend walked up to the two women and started chatting.

Now, that seems like a mundane action for me to actually be writing about in my blog but let me share where her reaction took my thoughts to: the realization of how so many of us – including me – miss out on opportunities to relate with others.

When I walk outside my home, I do so in order to do something: a task.  It can be anywhere from food shopping to working to meeting up with friends.  Anything that happens between me leaving and getting where I need to go gets interpreted in my mind as a distraction.  Also, I often use my time, while doing mundane things, to continue thinking about issues I’m working on.  Again, anything that takes me away from my thinking I interpret as a distraction.

One might think this type of living is very constructive.  Every minute is calculated to produce something.  But the downside is that often we miss opportunities to meet others, to be surprised and to be present.  We end up living compartmented lives where X amount of time is for this and Y amount of time is for that.

I wonder if online dating is so successful because we are losing our ability to spontaneously interact with others.  I wonder how many people I have walked by who said hello that could have turned out to be interesting for me to meet or to just share.  Are we now fully relying on the digital world to streamline our humanity?

Of course seeing my friend interact so easily with others resonated with me because that is something I have been thinking I need to change in my life.  I need to allow myself to interact with others without thinking I’m sidetracking or what it is in it for me.  How about you?  Are you really open?  Are you really present?

Achieving a balance between using our time wisely and leaving the door open for surprises, is a fine line but one worth our efforts.