Drop The “Should” List

May 2, 2012 by  
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Photo By Angie Rubin

I am thinking about how much stress and turmoil is actually self-created.  I’m specifically thinking about the terrain between that which we want and that which we think we SHOULD have.

As we go through life we start to adopt/take on a list of things that society has created as the bible to live by.  But, are these rules/concepts agreeable to all of us all the time?  No. And so conflicts are born between what we do and what we think we should do.

I have found the first line of defense in these situations is to ask ourselves what we really want out of an experience.   I ask myself again and again until I can give an honest response.  Once I know what I really want then I concentrate on that and try not to worry about the “should” yelling in my head.

I’m not saying it is easy to rise above the intense psychological conflict that ensues, but not taking it on means missing out on many opportunities that could provide us with experience and contentment.

Let me give you an example:  Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that don’t necessarily fall within the long lasting, 100% fulfilling – or close to – realm but fall within “what we need for right now”.  So, the relationship is satisfying now.  But, if we hang on to thoughts of “I shouldn’t be enjoying this because I need to be in the “right” relationship, we will miss out on satisfying needs of now.

We never know what doors we open every time we go through an experience.  Not, living them because they are not perfectly right in our own minds, keep us away from opportunities and wisdom. And lastly, who knows what the future may or may not bring.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do – Mark Twain.

 

 

 

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Next To Normal; Seeing Others In Their Own Shoes

January 3, 2011 by  
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Angie Rubin

Last night I went with a friend to see LA’s last performance of Next to Normal, winner of 3 Tony Awards and a Pulitzer Prize.  The musical is about mental illness. A subject one wouldn’t usually associate with singing – there is no dancing in this musical.

My friend, who is also a therapist and I really enjoyed the musical.  As I was driving home we talked about mental illness and finding acceptance and peace in our own lives.

One of the great values of films and plays is the opportunity they offer us to see situations and relationships through others points of view.  They create a safe environment – because we are not personally involved – and then present us with a situation played out by the different characters.

In my life I have been close to a few people suffering from mental illness.

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Life In 2011. How Do You Want It To Feel Like?

December 28, 2010 by  
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The New Year is upon us.  For the first time in a very long time I’m seeing this New Year differently.  Let me explain;  obviously there isn’t a concrete separation between 2010 and 2011.  It is not like a bell goes off and all about your life in 2010 ends and the slate is blank.  But, there might be a psychological opportunity that if we want we can make use of.

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Being Content Today

June 27, 2010 by  
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I often write about being content rather than happy. I thought I should explain why I make this distinction. To me being content is a result of a constant feeling of well being and it is something we can all achieve. We can all work towards letting go of anxiety, low self-esteem and the never ending cycle of looking outside ourselves for every emotional and psychological need we think we have.

What is contentment and how can we achieve it:

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Learning To Go With The Flow

June 21, 2010 by  
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One of the keys to life is adaptability.  It’s the old go with the flow.

We all have plans and ideas on a daily basis on what our lives should be and look like.  But on a daily basis those thoughts have to be adjusted.  How well we can let go and adapt is the difference between stress/loss and forward movement.

Of course we should have a direction that reflects that ultimate goal we have in life.  Let’s say if you want to have a family of your own, that is an ultimate goal.  But maybe you don’t have a partner or maybe you can’t have children.  So adoption or some other kind of way to have children becomes your alternate route.  Getting stuck on, “I want to get pregnant like many other women”, represents a lack of adaptability which prevents your ultimate goal.

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Fostering Meaningful Faith

June 16, 2010 by  
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Doubt is a pain toFlowers Carolina 2o lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.  ~Kahlil Gibran

Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains…. But it can put mountains where there are none.  ~Friedrich Nietzche, Human, All Too Human, 1879

I don’t want to write about religious faith.   But I do want to shine a light in the voice within that believes in our abilities to recreate ourselves, achieve our goals, and find contentment when there is no evidence of any of it.

I woke up this morning with much on my mind.  I’m busy with work and have been going through a lot of personal changes that have brought a certain anxiety to the foreground.

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Shooting Ourselves In The Foot

May 6, 2010 by  
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running man

running man

Ego and anger go hand in hand and they are both very destructive.  I’m not talking about a sense of self when I’m referring to ego.  I’m talking about a sense of pride in the “how dare them” mentality which is just a reflection of a frail ego.  An ego that feels it needs to scream at the world to protect itself because it often feels threatened.  And I am talking about anger that covers up sadness and weakness.

We lose so many opportunities by being angry and by letting our ego speak.  We distort situations to conform to our insecurities and to prove to ourselves that we have to fight others in order to survive.

Ask yourself next time you feel attacked or angry at a situation if: 1 – Are you really being provoked and 2 – Is it really necessary to engage.  Most often the answer will be no.

Don’t waste your time fighting battles that are unnecessary.  Build up YOU and your sense of self and you’ll win the war without having to fire one shot.

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Real Possibilities

April 15, 2010 by  
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heart beatSometimes our minds get in the way of us living the real possibilities life is giving us today.  Some of us  have a picture of what we think our lives should look like and because of that end up missing out on the many opportunities of today.

Having an open mind and living in the present allows us to be more in rhythm with life itself.  The fact is we don´t know everything.  I´m not advocating not having plans and direction.  I´m just advocating not missing out on people and opportunities that could give us experiences that we never thought of.

How does the old saying go?  Be careful of what you wish for, lest it come true.  Let´s add:  Be careful of what you don´t see, it might just be what you really want.

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