Overcoming Our Shame And Growing From It

May 1, 2011 by  
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I was just reading the short piece on the Huffington Post of Laura Logan’s rape.  Laura is the CBS reporter who was raped by a mob during the Egyptian upheaval.

In the post I became stuck in the word shame.  As a sexual assault victim I remembered my own shame.  I’m sure there are many psychological reasons why women and men feel shame attached to their attacks, but I am brought to think about a particular one – shame of showing ourselves less than perfect.

We feel shame if we are raped, if we look physically different from an accident, if we are fired from a job, and if we are dumped from a relationship.  The reason – to most of us – why any of this has taken place is secondary to the shame we feel.  We become afraid we’ll show ourselves to be less than in the eyes of others.

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A Love Letter To My Husband – 2

August 14, 2010 by  
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I wrote this letter to my husband late last night.  All the emotions in the words came pouring out and I was reminded how complex we all are.

That I can miss my husband but have the love and respect for life to keep investing and looking forward to the future.  That I can love him with all my heart but be open to give and receive love.  There is no limitation in life or in feelings.  When we feel there is one, it is us building the wall.

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A Problem

January 9, 2010 by  
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I am working on a problem without, up to this point, much success.  The problem is: I take things too personally.  It is as if it’s being done to me, just me and only me.

I’ll give you a simple example:  I had my house painted.  After they were done, the “chief” painter said he would come back to get his ladders and buckets which were laying on the grass in my backyard at another time.  I figured a day or so.

I had thought up to that point that the job done had been superb.  But two days later, I noticed the paint on the door was buckling and the holes, were the house numbers used to be, had not been filled.  So the holes were still holes.

I called the painter and left a message but got no return phone call.  As I had experienced before this painter has an inability to return calls, although he returned my first call about getting the job within 24 hours. Anyway, the following day I place another call to again tell him about the ladders, buckets, door and holes.  This time I was not so cheery; but still no return phone-call.

One day later, I again left a message, only this time as was really angry.  I had become incensed by this painter’s attitude.  How dare he leave his stuff in my backyard now for 5 days?  How dare he not return my calls?

I don’t know the answer to these questions but maybe if I had kept my cool I would have a better chance to get my door and the holes fixed.  Now I’m not so sure.  I should have understood that the problem was the painter and not me.  But my ego got involved and became more important to me to let him know he was messing up.  And of course I got worked up.

So this is the problem I’m working on.  I’m working on not making everything about me.  I’m working on not getting so pissed when things don’t work out exactly how I want them to.  I’m working on concentrating on my ultimate goal and not letting my bruised ego become more important.

Maybe next time I’ll be able to make the phone calls without being angry and maybe things will turn out better.



November 30, 2009 by  
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Everybody has problems.  That is an absolute truism but somehow, sometimes we forget that.  We see someone well put together and smiling and we think that person has it all.  But if we go back to our truism, we know that just can’t be true.

Some of us choose to be exposed, to not hide our feelings from the world and actually to want to be acknowledged for our pain as if no one else is in pain.

Some of us carry our pain within and don’t want any extra attention for whatever is going on in our lives.

I’ve come to realize that bringing the whole world into my pain only results in keeping me in pain.  Living in that frame of mind keeps me and you focused on pain.  Keeps us getting attention for being in pain and not for being happy or elated.

Victimization only strengthens our slavery to pain.  Keeping pain in its own space and pushing forward offers us a possibility to move on.

I know sometimes it’s hard to see beyond the disappointment and loss but know the way out is only possible through truly believing in the possibilities of life.